Published in Aug 2020 / Updated in Mar 2021
In your relationship, have you gotten to a point where you ask: are we too different to make it work? If yes, then you should look out for signs of relationship incompatibility just to be sure.
Relationships can be tough. You can fall in love with the wrong person and try like hell to make it work, but eventually face the harsh, heartbreaking truth that you are just not compatible.
More people than you think break up due to relationship incompatibility.
And some even wonder, can incompatible relationships work? This is important to know because some people realize they are incompatible after tying the knot. We also have those who can say: “we are incompatible but I love him.” What options do all these people have?
Compatibility is very important in relationships. Signs of incompatibility in relationships can also be a good sign that things might not work out as well as the partners expected.
These are the signs of relationship incompatibility.
1. You Can’t Be Yourself Around Them
Let’s be honest; we never let the world know the real us. We have to put on a front based on what we want to say about ourselves to the rest of the world.
That is why it hurts so much to hear that your personal weaknesses are known by people you don’t care about.
The pretense is hard work, and we all need a place where we can relax and be ourselves. A healthy relationship is usually the first place we go to when we want to be ourselves.
But if you don’t feel comfortable enough around this person to be yourself, then know that you have a problem. Soon enough, you will get tired of being the person you feel your partner wants you to be. At that point, you will want nothing more than to get out and be free.
That is why the inability to let go and be yourself is one of the most powerful signs you and your partner are incompatible. It cannot be ignored even if you have to debate over all other signs of incompatibility.
2. You’re Incompatible If You Have Very Different Core Values
There are things you have to agree on if your relationship is to go anywhere, and there are no ways around this. For instance, you have to agree on whether to have kids, have an open relationship, and so forth.
If you can’t, then you are pretty incompatible. Additionally, you should never give up your core values to be with anyone. If you are doing that, then it’s a huge red flag the relationship might be unhealthy for you.
Nobody should get into a relationship to be another’s slave. You should still retain your individuality and help each other grow into better individuals. But for that to happen, you should agree on core values and get into a relationship that enhances your individual growth instead of suppressing it.
3. Too Much Similarity
Don’t get me wrong, having things in common with your partner is a great thing. But as they say, too much of a good thing is dangerous.
If you are too similar, you will practically turn into competitors and not partners. When you both want the same things, one of you will feel resentful when they don’t get their way.
Being different in some ways means you would not mind if your partner enjoyed a certain benefit over you and vice versa.
That is why people who have similar personalities often conflict on so many levels. For instance, if you both like attention and none of you is willing to give it, you will have problems.
Having some common values is a good thing, but being too similar is a powerful sign of incompatibility. You should complement each other in relationships.
4. Your Relationship Is A War, Not A Love Affair
Most relationships are based on love, respect, and mutual concern for each other. It doesn’t matter if it’s a romantic or a platonic relationship.
However, when there is no love and all you do is go at each other’s necks, then that’s a telltale sign you are not very compatible. A relationship should be a love affair, and you should feel peaceful in it, not besieged.
Usually, when people are not in love, they are extremely stubborn and inconsiderate of each other. You might even end up intentionally sabotaging each other. When a relationship gets to that point, your incompatibility is probably more than the relationship can handle.
You won’t enjoy time together and your lives will be miserable.
5. Lack Of Concern Of Fulfillment For Emotional And Physical Needs
We all have needs, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. However independent or giving we might be, we still have needs that only our partners should meet.
As you know, sex is a big part of romantic relationship success. So, when you can no longer satisfy each other physically, and all you have are disappointments in bed, then odds are that your relationship won’t last too long.
As many couples will tell you, once the sex life is ruined, a big part of the relationship is also ruined. The affection and care you have for each other will decrease as well. And your emotional needs will most likely go unattended.
That is why having a good sex life is an important sign of compatibility in any relationship.
In fact, sexual problems are part of the reason incompatibility in marriage often leads to divorce.
6. Communication Breakdown Is One Of The Signs Of Relationship Incompatibility
Sometimes, communication in relationships fails. It’s normal and it happens. But it should never be the norm. Different opinions in relationships are especially bad for communication.
If you can never agree on anything or never feel heard by your partner, then you have a serious problem. Without communication, there is no hope that you will ever get what you deserve in that relationship.
You will know things are especially bad if it has gotten to the point where you don’t even bother trying to communicate with each other. That shows your incompatibility has reached a breaking point.