Forgiveness is the restoration of a relationship between a perpetrator and a victim. When a victim forgives a perpetrator, he or she grants him or her the permission to act as if the past wrong-doing did not happen.
Things between them go back with the same ease and trust. The relationship picks up where they left off before the act of harm was performed. It sounds unfair and unreasonable, but that is the full measure and consummation of the act of forgiving. This is a mistake.
What Will Happen If I Choose Not To Forgive?
The opposite of forgiveness is not anger, resentment, or bitterness. Its opposite is self-preservation, self-love, or self-protection.
Anger is when we wish to harm the perpetrator or consistently punish him, or her more than the law would deem necessary to bring about repentance and behavioral change.
Bitterness or resentment is the inability to think objectively of the perpetrator as someone who has a choice to make restitution or change.
When the suspect chooses to continue his or her wrong-doing, the victim has the right to become bitter or resentful. This anger and resentment will empower the victim to proactively demand restitution and change from the wrongdoer.
When Is Forgiveness Fair And Healthy?
Trauma brings with it emotional wounds and psychological disabilities. It alters the victim's values and perception of reality. Forgiveness is not essential to healing. It is a burden placed unfairly on the shoulders of the victim.
Self-love is the goal of healing. To heal, we must recount what happened and feel the sensations arising in our bodies. It is the way to expose the wounds, so they can start healing. A professional therapist is the immediate and most credible go-to person for help and support.
It is high-time victims are freed of the distorted and manipulative framework of forgiveness. It is time to start healing, so you can be the richest and safest source of love for yourself.