Should I Move Out For A Relationship – 10 Questions You Must Answer First
Published in Apr 2019 / Updated in Aug 2021
Every couple hits a few milestones in their relationships. Deciding to be exclusive and moving in together is one of the many other challenges that follow afterward. Moving to another city/country for a relationship is one of the biggest ones. Carrying on a long-distance relationship is not easy either but deciding to leave everything behind for your relationship is HUGE. Are you truly ready for the jump?
Long-distance relationships are nothing new. Couples have maintained their relationships and romance across great distances for ages. In the olden times, there was no concept of living together before getting married, but now, more people prefer to check the waters first, and thus cohabiting has become quite common. The Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships says that about 3% of the married couples live apart for reasons apart from marriage conflicts. 40% of college students have dated across distances.
The timing should be just right for a decision like this. But relationships move at different paces for different people. Relationship expert and dating coach Madeleine Mason says that there is no perfect length of time that suggests you are ready to move in. If you are not ready and make “THE MOVE” and it fails, things can become really hard both emotionally and financially.
Rather than just taking the plunge of an ill-thought-out decision, here are the top 10 questions you should ask yourself:
1. Are you moving for the right reasons?
If you and your partner are in love and excited to move forward in your relationship, it is one of the best things to happen. But ask yourself if you are ready to love this person enough to take the big leap, leave everything behind and move to a whole new city/country.
If you are unsure whether it is the right decision, make a list. Jot down the pros and cons for both you and your partner along with the life you have without living with them. Yes, it is a difficult decision to leave the life behind that you love. But the key is that you have to love your partner more than the life you have without them. If you don’t love them that much, it will not work out. But if you do, then making the move is one of the best decisions you can make for your relationship.
2. Would you resent your significant other if the move & your relationship doesn’t work out?
Moving to a whole new place for a relationship is a big decision for anyone. If you feel that you will be resentful if a decision as big as this goes sideways, and you will not get the happy results you are waiting for, then you should reconsider your decision. This also means you are not ready for such a big leap.
3. Does your partner also want you to move? Is the move mutual?
How does your partner feel about you moving to their city? Was it their idea or is it only you that feel strongly about it? Knowing this is important. You need to be sure as a decision this big, is also big for you emotionally and financially. It is better to know if your partner is as invested in this as you are. It is essential that they also feel the same way as you do about the move. What does it mean for the relationship? Is it a step towards marriage?
First, figure out your own feelings and then ask your partner what they think about this. It will be awkward, but getting clarity and knowing that both of you are on the same page is very important. If you cannot communicate what the move means for your relationship, then you shouldn’t move.
4. How do you feel about living in your partner’s city?
You love your partner, and you want to live together, but do you love their city too? Does the idea of living there make you feel happy or apprehensive? If you are willing to give it a try then spending some time there will do you good. You will be able to make up your mind about living there. If you would rather have your partner move to your city instead, it certainly means that you are not ready to move to your partner’s town. Also, both of you could start a new chapter of your lives in a whole new city.
5. What about your living arrangements?
Have you and your partner discussed your living arrangements? Do you plan to live with your partner or do you want to get your own place? Will you stay with them until you do? The answers to these questions are extremely important. Whether you decide to move to their city or their place, these decisions are a big deal and will greatly impact the future of your relationship. You cannot just assume that if you are moving to your partner’s city, you will move in with them too. You should know if you are ready for it. Discuss this with your partner and make sure you both are on the same page regarding this issue.
6. What is the situation in the new city regarding your job?
Congratulations if you got a good job before the actual move. But if you haven’t, then how do you plan to manage the finances? You should get the information regarding the status of your job market in the new place. Depending emotionally and financially on someone is overwhelming. Without a job, your partner can feel burdened or even resentful. You, on the other hand, might feel stuck and needy. So do your research regarding your career options before the move.
One has to have a steady income source for financial survival. Not having a job is depressing in itself and if you are in a new place, it can be extremely stressful. Familiarize yourself with the job market of your field in the new city.
7. What is your financial situation?
It is not only about you being mentally prepared for the move. Financials are very important. Is your bank account prepared for this big change? Moving in, by itself, is very expensive. See that you have some savings set aside for sudden expenses. Plan your move according to your budget. If your financials are not in order or sufficient for the move, then it is wise to wait for some time. You wouldn’t want to be broke before moving to a new place. You will feel as if you are burdening your partner.
8. Your physical space?
When you are in a long-distance relationship, visiting each other is exciting. You enjoy each other’s presence immensely and wish to spend every minute together. But things change when you move to their city. You cannot possibly spend all of your time together. Physical space is important. If you plan to live together for some time, is there enough place for the two of you?
If you are unfamiliar with the city and want to explore it on your own, then using a monitoring app including Xnspy is great. It monitors all the activities and locates your real-time location too. Your partner can easily keep track of your activities remotely. And, if you get lost, your partner can easily find you with the help of the app.
9. Have you and your partner been through thick and thin together?
Moving to another city for your partner is a big step for your relationship. Both of you will have many discussions and important ones at that. Apart from that, such decisions lead to serious considerations as well. You will have disagreements and arguments. It is going to be a bit stressful. Have you two been into fights before? Have you two been able to work through big fights? What do you think about the communication level of your relationship?
Do not pick fights with them for no reason before the big move. But it is important that you tackle all the issues before going through with the decision of moving to their city.
10. Do you have a backup plan?
Things fall apart. Hearts break and relationships end. People fall out of love too. You cannot possibly know everything that will happen in the future after you move, but it is always wise to have a backup plan in place in case it doesn’t work out. You cannot anticipate every issue that can arise. Create a backup plan in case your move doesn’t work out or your relationship falls apart. Keep some of your belongings in storage so that you do not have to pay for shipping if you have to come back. You would want to be 100% sure and when that happens, you will know right away and you can send for your belongings.
Ask yourself all of these questions and be true to yourself while answering them. If you are truly ready to take the plunge. Good luck!