There’s beauty in being different like me. To have been to the depths of Hell and emerge victoriously. To know that in life, you can’t be afraid to go after what you want. To have the courage to say, I know what I deserve and I refuse to settle for anything less.
When you look at me, you probably dismiss me as a typical scorned woman. An emotionless block of ice. But that’s just what’s on the outside. The armor that must reside in place so no one can get too close. Beneath the surface, emotions run chaotically, yearning to be free.
This is dangerous. Love is dangerous. Because my love doesn’t exist. My standards are too high. Let me tell you why.
Once Bitten, Twice Shy
Once you’ve been hurt, it’s hard to trust again. You’re scared to open up to someone. To give them that power. The more you open up, the more it hurts when it’s over. In the end, I always end up questioning everything that happened. I thought I was in love but … does love even exist?
For years, I believed that I was to blame for my bad marriage. Supposedly, I was too complicated. I admit I am opinionated. I am blunt. I speak my mind. I expect a lot of attention, effort, and energy from my partner. For a weak man, this would seem like I’m being difficult. But as Bob Marley said, “If she’s easy, she won’t be amazing.” The right man will value everything about me. If he exists.
Strength and Independence
When it comes to love, I have more horror stories than anyone. But I learned a lesson with each one. I grew stronger. At one time, I was terrified of being alone. But one day, I no longer had a choice. So, I embraced my independence. It led to my freedom. Now, I’m content to be alone until I can find someone deserving of what I give.
All or Nothing
Love can make us do stupid things. But we’re human. We make mistakes. We learn from them. I figured out from my last relationship that I shouldn’t settle for less than I deserve. If I’m not loved for my mind, if I don’t feel a connection in my soul, it’s not worth my time.
Curse of the Old Soul
Being an old soul in today’s society is terrifying. Random hookups and last-minute plans with different partners seem to be the norm. But this doesn’t appeal to me. I don’t like sharing and I believe in quality over quantity. I’d rather have one steady person in my life than a variety of people.
Are Fairy Tales Real?
Even though I’m independent and happy, I still fantasize about having the perfect relationship. The kind of love my grandparents had, where you could count on each other through anything. To have a partner as well as a friend. But so far, that seems to be a dream waiting to happen.
Single or Suffering? The Better Option
Two years ago, I thought it was better to stay in a relationship even if I wasn’t happy, just because I didn’t want to be alone. The very thought terrified me. But now, I look back and think this was the best thing that ever happened to me. While I may be alone, I’m happier than I ever was married. Life lesson learned: if you aren’t happy, it’s not worth staying.