Self-Abandonment: relinquishing one’s own feelings and/or importance. Why We Do It and How to Stop Self-Abandonment.

Have you pushed away a good guy/girl because you figure they will leave you eventually anyway? Are you the person that always says yes to your friends even when you don’t want to do it? Do you stash your feelings away to make sure your partner doesn’t get upset? All of these scenarios are examples of self-abandonment. 

Different Ways We Abandon Ourselves

Disregarding our own needs and feelings. Putting others before ourselves. Judging ourselves harshly. Seeking perfection to gain approval from others.

Why do we abandon ourselves?

Because we do not value ourselves. The emotional desertion starts in early childhood. The desertion is done by either a meaningful adult or parent in the child’s life. The demeanor usually manifests into adulthood through the choices of partners and other relationships. Friends’ that are unsupportive or a partner that takes advantage are types of ways this is carried into adulthood. 

This behavior is allowed from those around us because we don’t know how to be supportive of ourselves, or how to treat ourselves kindly. For example, growing up in a family that is abusive, you shield yourself from the turmoil. Early on you learned to not show how you feel when told you don’t matter, or won’t amount to anything. 

Depression, anxiety, inadequate friendships, unsatisfactory romantic relationships, and low self-esteem are all side effects of self-abandonment. 

Can we stop this behavior, and reconstruct life as we know it?

Yes. It won’t happen overnight, but it can happen. 

How To Stop Abandoning Ourselves:

Construct a loving connection with yourself. Express your feelings and needs. Permit yourself to be you through your eccentricities. Stop criticizing yourself. Campaign for yourself. 

Make loving yourself a priority. In time you will stop being so hard on yourself. Set limits and boundaries so that others stop using you as a doormat. Allow your eccentricities out through outlets such as your hairstyle, or a hobby you haven’t done in awhile. Get back in touch with the things you like to do. 

Instead of putting yourself down about being five minutes late to your lunch date, commend yourself for landing the client. 

Take note of when you are having a conflict. How does your body feel physically? Does your neck hurt, or you get a headache when you are struggling with something? Write down how your body feels when these things occur. 

Notice when someone else is stressed, and remember that you are not alone in your feelings. Give yourself permission to recognize your own ill feelings. Write a note about them, but do not let these feelings take over who you are. 

Top Ways to Turn Self-Abandonment Into Self-Love

Turn your harsh judgements into praise. I’m so stupid, into I am a genius.

Change your I’m Not Enough into I am enough, and I love myself.

Stop looking to others for acceptance, happiness, and fulfillment. Find these things in your life through what you do for yourself, and how you treat yourself. Putting yourself first, and loving yourself will allow you to find and keep better company in your life.