… emotionally…

It’s always a fine line between what makes us feel good and what makes us look good. Even more so, it’s often hard to establish whether we are doing things for the right reasons. Are we wearing a short skirt because we feel sexy in it, or because we think we will look sexy for guys? It’s tough to know, but I would wager that we don’t need to spend too long analysing every decision that we make against a feminist/progressive agenda. Yes, we all want a better future and more equal standards of existence, but there are more productive ways of supporting that cause than just doing things that we think we ‘should’ be doing.

The goal is empowerment.

Not to be constantly regulated as to what constitutes allowable ‘sexuality’ or ‘gender performance’. 

Therefore, I humbly escort your attention towards a saucy list of 14 hot tips to get guys’ attention, not just based on looks! We always want to be loved for who we are, but also we’re always told the value of compromise and showing an effort in their interests. How, then, do we prevent ourselves from just constantly merging into our significant other? I do it all the time. When my new partner exhibits an interest in Sherlock, I’ll suddenly feel this compulsion to binge the whole thing. If they like running, I’ll take up jogging too.

Essentially, I’m a copycat.

This occurs largely because I get emotionally attached and hold my partner up on a pillar where their opinion and personality represents the ideal, best form of humanity. Therefore, unconsciously I want to become them, because I know how much I value and love them. As a result, it’s important to use the list below as a means of maintaining your own identity and staying true to yourself. We want to be irresistible to men.

We don’t need to just mirror their personality!

  1. Practice a genuine smile – a dazzling array of pearly whites will go a long way to clinching the interest of a passing chap. It’s tried and tested, just as Elle Woods swears by the Bend and Snap (patent pending), the value of a charming smile cannot be underestimated.
  2. Change it up a bit! If you normally go for a full-face of make up, why not try going barefaced the next time you see your guy? Or, equally, if you are happy just chilling without make-up normally, maybe try a dash of eye-shadow or lipstick. If the guys have to make an effort, so do you! Why not go rogue with accessories or some eye-catching jewellery. If nothing else it will catch the light and get their attention that way!
  3. Feel confident in your own skin! Confidence is basically gold dust in mating rituals. When you’ve got it, guys can sense that and you immediately stand out from the crowd. Know yourself and then you can present to the men around you exactly what they want. Hint: it’s you. 

Another key consideration:

  • Play hard to get – just a bit. If you’re normally a very punctual (obsessive) replier, why not leave their message for an hour or two. Or leave them on read (if you have the nerve and want to see if they’re going to try again). Don’t do this outside the bounds of politeness, you are trying to court him, after all. But don’t convey that you’re always available for him. It’s a fact universally acknowledged that guys want what they can’t have. Such is the way of the world.
  • Get his number early – maybe you feel like the guy should traditionally be the first person to make the move and get each other’s numbers. Not so, it’s 2019, guys! Why not be gutsy for a change and boldly request his number. While he gives his digits away he may well pass along his heart too. Well, we can dream, I guess. 
  • Communication! Yes, we do love a fun period of playing hard to get and decoding each other’s messages, but there comes a point when you both deserve emotional maturity. This comes with time, but try to be clear early on about personal boundaries, expectations and what you want. Taking control and having conviction in yourself is impossible to ignore and you will find that your chap will be only too happy to oblige. 

If your partner constantly cancels plans last minute…

Or rebuffs your attempts at intimacy, or refuses to meet your friends or family, or even has little habits like dismissing your interests or passions – that’s not the basis of a relationship. Those are microaggressions which build up over time and even if it’s a form of ribbing or banter, if it falls flat and makes you feel insecure, that’s a result of a lack of communication or truly knowing each other’s limits or personal boundaries.

Furthermore, if you feel like you can’t confide in your significant other, you may find yourself up a creek with no paddle, because that leads to bottling emotions up. Trust me when I say that nothing good comes from bottling things up, unless you’re a wine maker. In that case, there’s probably an economic benefit somewhere. 

Emotional distance means that you aren’t truly comfortable with the other person in your relationship, and maybe you aren’t even comfortable with yourself yet.

It’s true that we rarely ‘know’ ourselves, no matter what the self-help gurus and therapists tell us.

We don’t need to have a goal of ‘truly knowing’ ourselves at any point; it’s always about the journey. Plus, our ‘selfhood’ is constantly evolving, informed by our changing habits, preferences and actions and thoughts.

We would do well to remember that emotional and mental health are weighted just as highly as physical fitness in terms of our overall wellness. 

Be mindful of that too.