Do you recognize this situation? You're in a conversation with a guy, but nothing seems to progress. You may hope that something will develop between you, but he never fully commits to anything. Instead, he keeps you on the back burner, just in case he needs someone. Unfortunately, you may be the backup rather than the priority. Keep an eye out for these red flags that suggest he's keeping you on the hook.
1. He keeps things vague AF
He maintains a casual attitude towards your relationship. He expresses fondness for you but claims that the timing is not right at the moment. He leaves the door slightly ajar, giving you a glimmer of hope for the future. You find yourself trailing after him like an eager puppy on a leash, content just to have his attention.
2. Nothing is defined
You're not in a dating relationship with him, nor would you consider him a friend. There's no clear label to your connection, which gives him the freedom to string you along without consequences. Remember, if someone truly wants to be with you, they'll make it known.
3. You only see him in groups, not one on one
The guy wants to maintain distance from you and only engages enough to pique your interest. Frankly, even being alone with you would be too much of a romantic or sexual indication for him, and even that is too much of a commitment. Being in a group setting keeps things casual and non-committal, providing the perfect excuse to avoid giving you "the wrong idea."
4. You're kept a secret from others
You haven't met his family or friends. It may sound harsh, but he clearly doesn't want to be seen with you. You're not an integral part of his life, and he prefers to keep it that way. Essentially, you're just a backup option in case he can't find anything better.
5. He only contacts you when he needs something
He never calls just to chat or hear your voice. He keeps you around for an ego boost and as a personal service center. You're the go-to person for things like airport rides or help with moving, but that's as far as your relationship goes. You have the role of a friendly neighbor and nothing more.
6. You jump at the opportunity to help him out but he's not all that appreciative
Let's face it, you do these things with the faint hope that it might lead to something more, but in reality, you'll likely only receive a pat on the head and a tepid thank you, perhaps a slice of pizza or something for all your efforts and time. It's not the kind of relationship you're hoping for.
7. He flirts to keep hope alive
It's understandable to feel confused about where the boundaries lie, but it's not your fault. The relationship was never clearly defined, and to make matters worse, he flirts and maybe even gives you cute nicknames, fueling your hope that something might happen someday. However, waiting for an indefinite "eventually" is not enough. It's time to GTFO (get the f*** out).
8. Every time you try to move on, he gives you more reasons to stay
Hope can make you ignore your gut and turn you into a lunatic. You realize that this isn't an ideal situation and try to move on, but every time you do, he gives you more reasons to believe that you'll be together in the future. Whether it's flirting more or just giving you more attention, he wants to keep you on the hook and make sure you're available when he needs you.
9. Your friends give you crap for it
They might make snide remarks about your "imaginary boyfriend," or your blunt friends may even question why you're wasting your time with this guy. Ultimately, your friends want the best for you, and you deserve it. Listen to what they're saying and don't brush it off. They may have a clearer view of the situation than you do at times.
10. You justify his actions
You want to believe what this guy is telling you. You want to believe him when he cancels last minute but promises to see you later (keeping things vague), flirts with you but says it's not the right time for a relationship, or wants to keep things "our special little secret." But if he's not giving you the time of day, it's time to move on.
