They are manipulative and abusive. They use trauma bonding to try and get you to submit to them and to ultimately stay with them. They will gaslight you, they may rant and rage, use silent treatment and emotionally abuse. They then intermittently compliment you or pay you attention so that you feel you must stay with them and try to please them.
They will make you think that you cannot function without them or without their love and affection. Although they rarely show approval or affection. You will do anything to please them and get back to the honeymoon phase of the relationship. But your efforts are always futile.
The narcissist will always try to keep you down and make you feel that you are never good enough.
It’s important to remember that you are always good enough and many people will love you for you. You are not indebted to anyone and you should not have to beg for affection and attention.
In order to fully recover from a narcissist you need a lot of family, friends, outside support and counseling. You have to break your codependent tendencies. And learn what a healthy relationship should be like.
Once the narcissist realizes you have other people and other interests in your life their hold on you will be broken. You can live a free and peaceful life.
Narcissists thrive on people with low self esteem and people who are people pleasers.
No one should ever be made to feel lower and no one should ever have to earn love. Narcissists are usually people who have suffered some kind of abuse in their past. They also have a low self esteem, so they feel the need to keep others down and have control to feel better about themselves.
Recovering from a narcissist takes time and therapy and can take many many years. But in the end you will discover your own worth and will no more be a candidate to be controlled by a narcissist.
You need to recognize the signs and red flags of these types of people. Then you can learn how to shut them down before they can exert control over you and your life. You can and should have total control over your own life.
The cycle of abuse from a narcissist can have lasting effects not only on you but on family friends and children. And can go on unchecked as the victim covers up or makes excuses for the narcissist. The trauma bond is so close that the victim sometimes does not realize they are being abused or manipulated until it is too late.
If you or someone you love are being controlled by a narcissist please reach out and get help and get out of the relationship. It’s not love it’s abuse.