Virgos, if you're feeling affected by this article, then I'm doing it right! Listen up!
I'm not going to pretend that life is always going to be sunshine and daisies, dear readers. The simple fact is that sometimes life sucks, and it sucks hard. I'm not sure that there is an emotional experience more frustrating, heart-wrenching, guilt-tripping, or generally horrible than unrequited love. If you remember feeling like Rosaline in Romeo and Juliet – the brief object of his whims only to be side-lined for the flashier, younger model – then you're in the right place. It is so hard to find value and validation in who you are as a person without reciprocal feedback from another person. Indeed, if your feelings of worthiness stem from the emotional support of another person, as often it does, that person is, for better or worse, responsible for your state of mind and sense of self.
This isn't fair on anyone, and don't we know it as we angst and stress about the lack of emotional reciprocation we're receiving, all the while lamenting that it's not necessarily even their fault. That's always the kicker, that the people causing such emotional distress and pain aren't actually aware they're doing it. The quest for a satisfying and enduring, comfortable love is a long journey, and often one that doesn't have a specific endpoint. Certainly, 'enduring love' cannot be achieved through sheer force of will. Oh, but haven't we tried!
But you aren't alone!
I promise you that there are millions of people around the world and close to you that feel exactly the same way; helpless, confused, frustrated, and like you're 'lacking' something fundamental. That feeling doesn't even necessarily go away when you're in a relationship, and there are no two ways about it, love is hard. But it's even harder when you don't feel loved.
I know the feeling. It's late-night on a Tuesday evening and Taylor Swift's RED album is playing. You're feeling all sorts of feels. Mostly angsty heartbreak emotions, but you also circle back to the good old days. The rose-tinted, 'god we were great, weren't we?' glasses are fully back on again. Whether or not they really ought to be. Maybe you just watched the Gilmore Girls revivals and you're feeling nostalgic. Maybe it's been long enough and your heart feels ready to give it another go. Who knows, you might be right.
But either way, here we are on the sofa with a glass of wine thinking about relationships of the past. There was Steve who broke your heart. Matt that soured pretty quickly after the 'what are we' chat. Brent. Ah, Brent. You're pretty sure you broke his heart.
Eh, live and learn, I guess
You can look back on old relationships and think about the mistakes you made – both of you – and that can be really helpful. On one hand, you can figure out what it is that you want out of a relationship, and that may have changed over the course of the latest relationship, or been altered by having not been in one for a little while. Maybe you've grown more independent, but still need an emotional support system that the relationship offers. It may be that you aren't looking for commitment in the way that you thought you were, or who you thought your dream guy was – well, maybe that has been updated too. We are all liable to changing and our taste change too, that's all about being human.
Having new experiences, understandings, and mistakes that you can learn from. We all become more well-rounded individuals by looking at our mistakes in the eye and being willing to fall flat on our face in a relationship.
If you aren't risking your heart – just a little – then you aren't really opening yourself up to it.
Therefore, you don't stand to benefit from the rewards of a relationship.