Reality Check: He Will Never Leave His Wife For You
Published in Oct 2018 / Updated in Aug 2021
So you’ve probably been in a relationship with someone who is married, a lot of women out there have and I am happy to put my hand up and say I have to. I can’t say that I have ever been deluded into thinking that he would ever leave his wife for me but then again my circumstances were very different.
Some women get into relationships with married men by accident, some because it’s a pattern but at the end of the day it doesn’t matter how you ended up there, you did. I became the other woman without really being aware, many people asked me how I couldn’t have known, my answer is easy…rose coloured glasses. I didn’t want to see it. I wanted to believe that he was telling me the truth when in fact I knew he wasn’t being honest deep down.
Being in a relationship with a married man isn’t all roses and chocolates, hot sex, and happiness. It’s lonely and definitely can break even the strongest of women. I was in a relationship with him for six years, although I knew he was technically married I fell for the old lie of “We’re separated”. The times when you are with the married man are always the best, they make you feel like you are the only person in the world, you start to feel like it’s real, that they are someone that you could spend the rest of your life with. The reality is, they aren’t.
Any man that is willing to cheat with you is going to end up cheating on you. The age-old saying of how you get a man is how you will lose them is true. In my case, I not only found out his marriage was in perfect condition but also that he was cheating on me with countless other women. How I ended up with him for 6 years and so serious still makes some of his friends baffled but the truth is I was a conquest that he could never truly conquest mind body and soul.
A relationship with a married man is probably worse than a long-distance relationship or even being in a loveless relationship. At the end of the day you end up being lonelier when you aren’t with them than if you were single. It drives your anxiety higher because you are constantly wondering so many things. When is he going to leave her? Why are they still together? Am I not good enough? What does she look like and so much more. It will literally drive you crazy. I’ve had the highs and lows of these relationships, I have also had those moments where I hated the wife and then felt sorry for her.
I think the worst thing about being with a married man isn’t all of the above but rather the fact that you go through a cycle. Now you can sit here and read this thinking, it won’t be like that for me but the reality is…it will be.
1. Before you see him you’re nervous, excited, and almost dreading the moment that either of you is going to leave. You know what that pain is like.
2. You’re together and it is perfect, you feel so at ease and happy with life.
3. When you know the time that either of you is about to leave your heart is starting to break and you become desperate on the inside and really don’t want to deal with the pain you know is coming.
4. When you leave each other’s company you hate the loneliness that has started to set in. You start to feel guilt, pain and start messaging like crazy knowing that he will only be able to message sporadically which causes your head to wander and anxiety to spike. Tears will definitely fall when you’ve been doing this for a while and depression isn’t far behind.
5. Then you get the message to see each other again and the cycle repeats itself. One minute you’re happy, the next you’re miserable.
6. Eventually you will get to the point where when the call comes you can’t make your mind up. If you go you know you’re going to have to face the heartache BUT if you don’t go you will think about it all night, don’t want to lose him and ESPECIALLY don’t want to feel alone, OR and this one got me. If I didn’t go I would always be thinking, what if it was different this time and I missed out on my opportunity, what if this was the day he told me something good was about to happen from our relationship and we were about to start that chapter.
7. When you get to this point, you’re starting to get stronger and ready to prepare yourself to walk away.
Being in a relationship with a married man makes you NOT want to date anyone else. If I can impart any knowledge from my experience on anyone else, don’t do it. The pain of being hurt in the dating world is definitely worth going through if it means you’re not stuck in a cycle of toxicity that will only end when you have the strength, he won’t walk away because it’s easy, breezy and a thrill and the only reason you’re not walking away is that you think a few hours of happiness is safer than putting yourself out there only to get hurt in the dating world.
These types of relationships are toxic to the very core so before you think about getting into a relationship with a married man think of it this way. You would never eat a rotten apple, so why would you date a married man?