Have you ever questioned whether you might be selfish? It's a common concern that many of us have had, and it can be challenging to differentiate between self-care and self-centeredness. However, acknowledging your tendencies towards selfishness is crucial if you want to repair damaged relationships and cultivate new ones that are constructive and enduring. Here are some indicators that you prioritize your own interests over others'.
1. You expect your partner to put your needs first
If both you and your partner have had a hectic workday, you may anticipate them preparing dinner while you take a breather on the sofa and share your troubles. However, if you suggest dining out but your partner prefers staying in for a movie, you may expect them to disregard their own preferences and go out with you. In case your desires aren't always fulfilled, you might question your partner's loyalty.
2. You never adjust your plans to accommodate others
On the other hand, you do not alter your schedule for anyone. For instance, if a friend requests to reschedule due to a lack of childcare, you decline, claiming you have a packed schedule. Similarly, if your boss asks you to stay a few extra minutes at work, you become furious and contemplate escalating the issue to HR. Anything that disrupts your routine agitates you. You struggle to come to terms with life's unpredictability and the need for flexibility at times.
3. You complain a lot
You're never fully satisfied with anything. While you take pride in having high standards, your expectations often surpass reason. You frequently find fault with your partner, although it's challenging for you to communicate precisely what bothers you beyond minor issues. Your friends irritate you when they fail to meet your entertainment expectations, and if an event doesn't live up to your anticipated level of enjoyment, you make sure everyone knows you're unhappy.
4. You take everything personally
When someone cancels plans with you, you promptly assume they dislike you. If someone offers you constructive feedback, you perceive it as an attack. If someone around you is upset, you assume it's because they despise your company. All of these tendencies indicate that you tend to personalize situations. You frequently hold a grudge against others' emotions rather than trying to comprehend their feelings or show empathy.
5. You don't like your partner spending time with his/her friends
Experiencing jealousy towards your partner's friends signifies your desire to monopolize your partner's attention. You believe that spending time with others demonstrates a lack of commitment to your relationship. Ideally, you would like your partner to exclusively spend time with you, except for work-related engagements. However, having friends is essential for anyone's well-being and can, in fact, enhance the happiness of a romantic relationship. It's impossible to be everything to your partner, regardless of how exceptional you are.
6. You cancel plans a lot
Being reliable and following through with commitments is a crucial aspect of being a good friend or partner. Self-centered individuals are so preoccupied with their own wants and desires that they have no hesitation about canceling plans, regardless of how last minute, if they lose interest or come across something more appealing to do. If you frequently reschedule or cancel appointments, it could be an indication of being selfish.
7. You're jealous of other people's success
Experiencing a hint of envy when someone we know achieves a significant milestone in their personal or professional life is natural, but typically, our excitement for them overrides it. However, if you're a selfish person, you may struggle to appreciate other people's accomplishments because you always view them in the context of your own life. The more successful another person is, the more resentful you become towards them.
8. You feel used when people ask you for help
You may not necessarily be thrilled about picking your friends up from the airport or buying them coffee when they forget their wallets, but it's a crucial aspect of having close relationships. If you anticipate others to be available to you whenever you require assistance, but hold a grudge when they ask for help, it's indicative of being selfish. Being a good friend or partner entails not keeping track of the number of favors exchanged. You're there for each other, even when it's not convenient.
9. You never apologize
Apologizing is not a fun task, but it's essential in fostering healthy relationships. Occasionally, you have to acknowledge that you were mistaken or that you regret causing pain to someone. Refusing to apologize demonstrates that you don't take accountability for the impact of your actions on others. Also, expecting your partner to always apologize, even when both of you are at fault, is another instance of prioritizing yourself over your relationship.
10. You compare yourself to everyone
From the person standing in front of you in the checkout line to an old high school friend, nobody can evade your scrutiny. You examine those around you to see how you measure up against them. You contemplate whether they have achieved more than you, have a happier relationship, or are more attractive. You find it difficult to value the qualities of others because you constantly believe that they exist to highlight your relative inadequacy.
How To Be Less Selfish
Even if you display selfish behaviors, it doesn't mean you're a terrible person. In fact, you may not even realize that you're engaging in some of these behaviors. Now that you're aware of them, however, it's the perfect opportunity to make a change. By implementing these changes, you can become a more generous and caring person in no time.
1. Master the art of listening
One of the most selfless acts we can do is to lend an ear to someone. Often, people don't need us to fix their problems or take any action, they just want to be heard. Instead of being silent while someone is speaking, try to actively listen and reflect on what they're saying. This will not only enhance your understanding of them but also make you a more compassionate and empathetic person.
2. Check in on the people you care about
Taking just five minutes to pick up the phone or send a quick text to say hello and ask how someone is can make a big difference. Whether it's your grandparents, a friend you haven't seen in a while, or your busy bestie, reaching out and showing that you care can mean a lot. Don't wait until it's too late to let them know how much they mean to you.
3. Give genuine compliments
Consider the incredible impact of a sincere compliment on someone's mood. It requires minimal effort but can truly make their day. Don't hesitate to offer praise to a colleague, such as complimenting their shirt, or to celebrate a friend's impressive accomplishment. This simple act of kindness not only benefits the recipient but also provides a personal sense of gratification. Giving genuine compliments is a quick and effortless way to spread joy and positivity.
4. See how you can help
Acts of kindness such as volunteering at a soup kitchen, assisting a friend in moving, or staying late at work to help a struggling co-worker with a project, are far from selfish. While it's important to set boundaries and avoid being taken advantage of, making an effort to alleviate someone else's burden can go a long way. Sometimes, inconveniencing yourself to ease another's life is a meaningful way to show support and compassion.
5. Practice gratitude
Reflect on your good fortune every day - having a roof over your head, a steady job, ample food, and a supportive network are blessings not everyone can claim. Recognizing your own luck, why not strive to extend similar opportunities to others? It's a matter of fairness and compassion. Sharing the goodness in your life can bring meaning and purpose to your existence.
