As children, we depend on our parents to provide for our basic needs like food, clothing, shelter, and guidance.
Parents should provide children with love, protection, support, and security. They set rules and provides a stable home life in which we will thrive and grow as individuals and responsible adults.
Although parents are adults and have knowledge and experience that children have yet to learn, they are also imperfect humans. It follows then that they, too, make mistakes and don’t know the answer to everything.
Along with setting rules and maintaining stability, parents have the responsibility of being emotionally sensitive and aware of how their words and actions can build up or break their children’s psyche.
Parents need to know that along with discipline and well-meant criticism, the children need their unconditional love and the assurance that mistakes can and should be made.
There are, however, several criticisms and censures that parents should keep themselves from telling or bringing up with their children no matter what.
Stop Crying Right Now
There are times when a child would just cry for no reason and cannot stop.
During these times, hold your tongue and exasperation, because children generally cannot control their emotions.
Telling them to stop is educating them to repress their emotions and communicating that there is something wrong with having and feeling emotions.
Instead, comfort them by telling them, “It’s okay to cry, and Mommy or Daddy are here for you.”
I Am Disappointed In You
Do not diminish the self-worth or confidence of your child by declaring aloud your sheer disappointment.
Most times, parents can be under a lot of stress and difficulty at work and in life that they have little patience to deal with other issues and complexities.
If your child has done something wrong or anything not up to par, say, “What you did was wrong, let’s do talk about it, okay?”.
You Are Not [Something] Enough
By telling your child that they are lacking in some ways, you are devaluing them as a person and making them feel worthless and good for nothing.
The child will then feel discouraged and bad about themselves for no reason at all.
Low self-worth can lead to anxiety, depression, guilt, and resentment. Tell them, “You are [something] good enough, and we can work together to be better.”
Big Boys/Girls Don’t Get Scared
The fact is big boys and girls do get scared, and children naturally get scared more.
Telling them in no way stops them from fearing, too. We are all afraid of something, and that’s human nature.
The important thing is to take courage and face one’s fears, not run away from them. Teach your children this by telling them, “It’s okay to be scared. Everyone gets scared sometimes, but I know something that will help.”
You Are Worthless
Never tell this to your children. It will utterly damage their psyche, and they will lose what little confidence and belief they have in themselves.
You are their parent, and that’s why kids need your approval most of all. Parents should never make their children feel scared or fearful about what they think of them.
Because you have deprived them of their belief in themselves, they will beg other people’s approval even in harmful and unhealthy ways. Try saying, “You will do better next time, love. It’s okay. No one is perfect.”
You Are A Bad Kid
By telling your children that they are bad, you teach them to hate and reject themselves. They are afraid to try things out because they are scared of making mistakes.
Losing a healthy self-image, they will start self-hating and will self-destruct. They think they deserve ill-treatment from themselves and other people.
Instead, tell your child kindly but firmly, “What you did was bad.” Focus on addressing and correcting the wrong behavior and do not attack the identity of the child.
I Do Everything For You
Teach your child accountability, responsibility, family love, and nurturing by looking after their needs and offering them love and support.
Do not in any way rub it on their faces that they are at fault because they were born and have become a burden to you.
Telling your child this will only cultivate resentment, guilt, self-hate, and irresponsibility.
Do not ever cut your child down to size by criticizing their weight as if their life and self-worth depended on it.