If you have ever been in an relationship with a person who was not emotionally available, then you know the pain that comes with not being close to someone you love. Often, a person like this will be awkward, evasive, and will come up with all kinds of excuses so as not to talk about the relationship or their feelings.
Some use anger, activities, criticism, or start creating distance. In the long run, you find yourself feeling rejected, alone, unimportant, or depressed. Psychologists explain that there are several kinds of unavailability: Chronic and Temporary.
Some people have never been available due to a troubled childhood or a mental illness. There are also others who choose to prioritize other things such as health concerns, family obligation, ongoing projects, or their education.
A person who has recently been widowed or divorced may temporarily be unavailable. In the middle group, you will find people who are afraid of falling in love because they have been hurt in the past, probably by a parent when they were still young. Often, you will find that the numerous reasons for unavailability will overlap, and this will make it harder to establish whether the reasons for unavailability will come to pass, or whether they are chronic.
Signs that a person is emotionally unavailable:
The following are subtle signs that can indicate unavailability. They should immediately raise a red flag if several of the signs start to overlap. These signs apply to both genders and will let you know whether a person is ready for a relationship or not.
1. Flirting with flattery.
A person who flirts too much may also be a good communicator, and listener. Such a person will be very good when it comes to short-term intimacies. Many are those that use vulnerability and self-disclosure to lure you, but in most cases, they are people who prefer the thrill of the chase.
You need to wary of sexual cues that are given out too early. Many seducers are known for avoiding authenticity. The reason they do this is that they do not believe that they are capable of keeping a single partner. Often, such a person will start to sabotage the reason once it starts to become too real for them. It is essential to note that seduction is all about the conquest, and it is often used as a power play.
This applies to that person who is not willing to be inconvenienced to modify their routine. Traditionally, people with commitment phobia tend to loathe making a compromise, and will in many cases be very inflexible. They believe that a relationship is all about them, and no one else.
4. Perfection seekers.
These are people who are always looking for a flaw in the person they are dating. When they find one, they immediately start to move on. For such people, the problem often has to do something with their fear of intimacy. If they are unable to find a flaw, their anxiety levels are likely to start rising. With time, they will find something that they can use to justify ending the relationship.
Many people will reveal whether they are emotionally available or not very early in the relationship. All you have to do is pay attention to what is right in front of you.