Being a woman comes with a lot of perks, but PMS isn't one of them. Sure, not all ladies experience premenstrual cramps, mood swings, or bloating. But, if you're one of the unlucky ones, here's what you should understand and share with all men in your life.
Premenstrual syndrome is almost always a normal reaction, and as such, it's not harmful.
However, it's terrifying, and all you need is cookies, some cute stuffed animals, and a way to overcome the urge to kill.
No, seriously, the premenstrual mood swings can be so severe that you might think you're in a premenstrual depression, with the touch of complete insanity.
It starts early, ends of a high note
Pretty much each woman remembers her first period. Yikes! Usually, it starts before you're even a teenager, but PMS symptoms worsen as you age. As if we needed another reminder that our ovaries have expiration dates.
And after a few decades of hell, every month, your previous back pain before period or signs of depression are about to leave you for good. But not without a bang!
You may be patiently waiting for menopause because there will be no sugar cravings and sleep disorders.
Yet, to be completely free, you have to feel like all your former PMSs decided to roll into one colossal disaster and push through it.
It's true: we leave our best years to something that's helping us give birth, but we didn't ask for it.
So, why isn't there any return policy and why can't guys accept that we are not overemotional: we are suffering because nature's cruel and unfair!
You're horny and bloated
There's nothing less sexy than feeling smelly while wearing over oversized clothing. You're bloated, and the cramps are kicking your behind while the chocolate is dripping from your face.
Yet, you're horny and need some action. Boobs hurt, and you're about to start yelling or crying. You still have no idea which way the mood swings will take you.
Nevertheless, you need to get laid.
They say it's all part of female nature, but it's gross and inhumane. The last thing you should need is a privileged male who will never go through PMS.
At the same time, you need that same dude, because your hormones are taking over.
On top of it all, your face and hair are greasy, and there's suspicious volcano-like activity on your forehead. Yup, premenstrual zits can last until you're finally out of the blood game.
Other symptoms are just as awful
You may vomit just before your period is about to start. And you'll feel fatigued, maybe even faint.
Instead of getting some kind of reward for surviving that damn PMS each month, you'll be getting your period.
Other interesting, somewhat amusing, and scary PMS symptoms are anger, constant sugar drops, anxiety, oversensitivity, and a simple fact that you cannot stand other people.
There's no cure, so whatever is working for one woman can't do anything for others.
You can talk to your GP, but overall the best thing to do is meditate and think that this too shall pass.
Then, you'll be a bloody mess, but you'll be PMS free for what, 24 days? Maybe 30, if you're fortunate.
Try to exercise, and don't add any stress to your life as possible during the premenstrual period.
Of course, we all know that's not how life works, but remember that you didn't choose it, and your reactions are in touch with cruel, vicious nature. Mother nature? More like some F**k Boy Dude Nature!
PMDD because PMS isn't enough
Premenstrual dysphoric disorder brings even more anxiety, premenstrual depression, panic attacks, and it's merely like PMS, only worse.
And if your doctors diagnose you with this horrible thing, there's a chance you'll have to take certain medications, from birth control pills to antidepressants.
Guess what? There's no way to tell who will develop this condition, and zero chances of knowing whether it's just your hormones or you have some underlying health issues.
If you can't function during PMS, you need to see your doctor ASAP. Changes in diet can improve your overall mood, but we can all agree that being a woman sucks!
Getting over premenstrual cravings
Here's something useful: you don't have to experience all this crap and gain weight. Your cravings are fine, as long as your home is a chocolate-free zone.
Instead of unhealthy snacks, whole grains, lean protein, fruits, and vegetables will help you overcome the burden of childbearing years.
Yeah, you need sugar and carbs, but that's just your body tricking you into thinking that you can't eat healthy while PMS-ing.
The real solution is to change your overall diet. And with that, you may improve your premenstrual syndrome, even stop the bloating or sweat less.
Will it work 100 percent? No, but you have enough time to try out what works for you.
It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to
It's good to remind yourself and the men around you that you are allowed to be overemotional or angry during that time of the month.
You're still an awesome, strong, beautiful woman with some extra grease and food stains.
You're doing your best, and you should know that PMS is part of life. The rest can be fun: from going to SPAs and shopping for cute outfits to multiple orgasms.
Premenstrual disaster is annoying as hell, and you don't have to explain or apologize for having a healthy body.
That's why we need to normalize this syndrome, and stop making us, females, be any less for the hormonal changes we experience.
Now, will we live to see free pads and tampons or what?