After my best friend and I started dating, I felt incredibly fortunate. However, when we eventually broke up, it felt as though I had lost not only a romantic relationship but also a cherished friendship. Although I have since moved on romantically, I still long for the connection we once shared. Our friendship was the foundation of our bond, and its absence has proven difficult to come to terms with.

1. It's harder to find a new best friend than a new boyfriend

While boyfriends may come and go, losing a best friend who was also a romantic partner is a unique and difficult experience. It often feels like an irreplaceable loss, as they embodied the perfect blend of a lover and a friend. Going back to the simpler friendship that once existed before dating is not possible, as taking that next step changes things irreversibly.

2. It feels like I lost two people

I have experienced losing both boyfriends and best friends, but never simultaneously. Coping with just one type of breakup is already tough enough, but when they occur together, it can be completely devastating and impede the process of moving forward from the loss of our relationship.

3. I miss the way we used to laugh

Despite how silly they were, our inside jokes were special to us. Sharing laughter and joy with someone you love is an incredible sensation. Occasionally, something will trigger a memory of a moment we found uproarious. While I still smile at the recollection, it's bittersweet because I long to send him a message saying, "Do you remember when?" yet I know I can't.

4. Breaking up with his family sucked too

While some people are able to maintain a friendship with their ex-partner's family, unfortunately, it was not an option for me. I'm unsure what my ex told his family or what their perception of me is now. Given that I haven't heard from them, I doubt it's positive. It's heartbreaking because I loved his mother and siblings and considered them my second family. We used to hang out and spend time together, and I could confide in his mom whenever I needed to escape my own family problems, even before we dated. Now, I have to pretend like his entire family doesn't exist, despite missing them dearly.

5. We still know each other's secrets

We shared everything with each other, and I do mean everything. From the things we confided in as best friends to the intimate details we shared as lovers, our trust ran deep. It was this level of trust that led us to develop feelings for each other in the first place. It's strange to think that there's someone out there who knows so much about me, my deepest secrets, and vice versa. While I'm confident that neither of us would ever betray the other, it's challenging to know what to do with all this information now. It's as if I know the life story of a stranger.

6. I still want to tell him stuff

Due to our previous closeness, there are moments when I still feel the urge to share something with my ex. It could be a minor occurrence or a significant life event, but he's no longer my go-to person for such matters. Instead, I now turn to my closest girlfriends or family members, but it's just not the same as it was with him.

7. We still have the same friends

As best friends, we shared the same close-knit group of friends. However, now that we've broken up, it's awkward for everyone involved. They're forced to make plans with us separately, and I miss the days when we could all hang out as a single group of friends. To make matters worse, all of my friends are also friends with his new girlfriend, and at times, it feels like they prefer her over me. Seeing pictures of them all having a good time without me is truly heartbreaking.

8. I'll probably always care about him

To be honest, it's nearly impossible for me to completely erase all my feelings after being so intimately connected to someone. When I hear that he's going through a tough time, it still affects me deeply. Despite everything, I still want him to have a happy and fulfilling life, even if I'm no longer a part of it. Perhaps if our friendship wasn't as strong, it would be easier for me to detach emotionally. But for now, I accept that I'll always care about him, and deep down, I would probably choose to go through it all over again.