I know that it's trained into all of us that relationships are all about compromise. The give and take, the hope of asymmetrical relationship and mutual attraction. The hope that, underneath the attraction and small-talk, there's enough to sustain the relationship beyond the three-month mark.
But that doesn't mean that you have to sacrifice yourself for the sake of your relationship. You can't spend your life apologizing for your absent partner at family parties or work functions.
You can't be the adult in the relationship that cooks and cleans and mothers him until he provides you with a small kernel of love that keeps you coming back. That's not a sustainable basis for a relationship.
In fact, that makes him an asshole, or her, in fact! Full of bullsh*t!
And that's just the micro-aggressions. For the most part, those can be solved with communication and good old-fashioned arguments to air out the angst. If you aren't arguing with your partner or disagreeing, neither of you are saying what you truly mean.
Therefore, I won't say that having fights means that your partner is an asshole. It's more like their absence – emotionally or physically. It does take two to break up a relationship, after all. You can't do all the grunt work, but also, sometimes you have to let the assholes go.
If they're not serving you, what are they still doing cluttering up your life? Marie Kondo them if they don't spark joy anymore. The asshole may have loved you before, or the relationship may have made sense before.
But that was for the person that you were. It's bullsh*t now
Don't let that person get in the way of you becoming who you need to be in a relationship. Certainly, don't waste your time on people that don't deserve you.
Assholes who cheat, for example. We cannot give them the time of day. Or indicate that what they do is okay. It's nothing less than a breach of trust, which often creates emotional trauma and trust issues that you take a lifetime to deal with.
If she decides that you aren't worth a second chance, that's it, asshole. You don't get to decide that she wasn't hurt by your actions, even if you think they're unreasonable or over-dramatic.
Women have to go through so much and bear so many pressures in society. You shouldn't be adding to them in the relationship. If your partner isn't supporting you or someone you feel comfortable being vulnerable with, they don't deserve a second chance.
Don't let cheaters go around in the world thinking they're god's gift to women under thirty. They will do it again. That's the simple and harsh truth. You're a one of a kind – and rest assured, there are many more assholes in the world.
You aren't missing out on anything by refusing to give him a second chance. He has to know that there are permanent consequences to his mistakes. He can't get away with it scot-free.
That's not justice
You will have got away with more than you realize. Your partner lets things slide that probably should have been brought up again. This is something that you took for granted. Shame on you for disrespecting her.
Establishing healthy boundaries can never come too late. Sometimes you have to make mistakes to know what you can or cannot forgive or put up with. It's completely valid to meet actions or people that you simply cannot forgive, much less be in the same room.
You have to value yourself enough to know that you are worth more than giving an asshole a second chance when he will just waste it. There is someone out there ready to love you, for you. And it will feel right then. You won't have to sacrifice yourself to an asshole.