There are many ways to live a good life in this world. And so many ways we’ve been taught that failure is not an option. 

In work, in relationships, in life – it’s the same. That only means that we end up not taking any risks – and in turn, don’t do anything!

Therefore, this year as it centres in on its second month, I propose that we all think more long term with small changes to attract more fulfilling, positive relationships. 

To cut the negativity outside, we firstly have to reflect on our own habits and behaviours and mobilise ourselves to productively address them.

Here are 6 ways to approach life with a more positive outlook and attract a healthy, positive relationship!

1 – Reflect on the past but don’t let it consume you.

It’s important to acknowledge our experiences in life – they have, after all, forged us into who we are today. Yes, we looked ridiculous in the outfits that the early Noughties saw fit to call ‘fashion’, but didn’t we all? 

The point is not that we’re embarrassed now, but that we enjoyed ourselves at the time. We weren’t stressed or feeling out of place then, just because we might be now doesn’t mean that we have to colour all our happy memories with modern angst. 

Yes, we probably learn to get a second opinion on an outfit now, but gosh we had fun either way.

2 – Know what to prioritise.

Hint: it’s yourself. Sometimes it’s really hard to know how to balance life, work, relationships and yourself – often we let ourselves sacrifice ‘us’ in the maintenance of life. It’s not an either/or – we need to keep on top of both. 

But you will find that it’s easier to negotiate life if you know yourself, and dedicate time to understanding your needs and wants and hopes and dreams. That’s not selfish, that’s survival.

3 – Communicate your needs, people aren’t mind readers.

I know we all want to remain unknowable and mysterious but the reality is that people can’t anticipate all of our needs without communicating them first. 

In order to life a satisfying and symmetrical, positive relationship with another person, we have to first submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known. 

Being vulnerable is the first step towards a more positive relationship. You will notice the difference immediately. 

4 – Learn to say ‘no’ and move on without guilt.

Relationships aren’t all about giving everything of yourself over to another person, no matter what the romcoms say. Love isn’t always an all-consuming joyride that leaves no room for logistics and sacrifices. It is a give and take and always needs a compromise. 

Establish boundaries and stick to them. If you want more commitment from your partner, tell them. If they want something from you that you aren’t comfortable with, learn to accept that the relationship might not be going in the best direction and make the decision to say ‘no’ and move on. 

You don’t owe them anything, you have to attract positivity with sensible, open but self-loving interests. No one wants a doormat that won’t say what they mean – that only makes for an empty relationship. 

5 – Stop listening to other people’s opinion of you.

It’s just mindless gossip from people either so insecure that they want to bring other people down, or they have simply nothing else to do. Both are equally sad and pitiful, so don’t waste your breath on them. 

6- Make mistakes, get rejected, allow yourself to fail.

Allow yourself to be imperfect. If we were perfect all the time there would be no room for growth or ways to improve. We’d be robots.

Learn to forgive yourself. You deserve the opportunity to try new things and not be immediately good at them. That’s where everyone starts!

In relationships, don’t be afraid to try new things, and accept that you might need to learn new social skills. Take the plunge, take risks – some will work, some won’t.

Relationships aren’t perfect either, use them to make mistakes so that you can find out what you want.