Those that have strong narcissistic tendencies have a certain destructive social tendency. If you are unlucky enough to be dealing with these people you will know there is always conflict when they are around.
Narcissists always play the victim and they manipulate those around them. They are some of the most toxic people you will have the misfortune to meet.
Narcissists are unable to live in the real world, and reality is too painful for them to accept.
To cope they delude themselves. Their reality is the real one and real life just doesn’t exist for them. The few moments in time when reality sets in is when their wild stories are told, and they become the victim.
They then proceed with making an alternative life and story to the events that have taken place.
First the lies:
Normal, healthy, mindful people deal with events as they unfold. They face life and its challenges and take responsibility for their actions.
A narcissist is incapable of doing this. Everything that is wrong will always be everyone else’s faults but theirs.
Narcissists have a never-ending need to be right on all matters. It’s why they must lie about anything and everything to feed this need. They seek out those that will listen and believe ‘their truth’ and then use their loyalty to feed the lies.
They cast themselves as the good person who fights for everyone, when in fact they are the evil person causing all the pain.
Then comes projection:
Narcissists love to project. A good example is when a narcissist tells you that someone has been mean to them and spreading lies, you’ll then know for sure that it is in fact the narcissist who has done this, not the person they are talking about.
Another example is they will claim their loved one has been cheating on them. You can bet the truth is the narcissist is the one who has been playing away.
Just know whatever the narcissist is saying to you about the other person is exactly what the narcissist is doing.
The first seed of being the victim has been planted and now they will continue to feed the lies, so the seed may grow. You will hear things such as, “Look what they have done to me, all I did is love them” or “I’m the good person here, why are they doing this” as examples.
Building the story is next:
The narcissist will feed you bits of the story at a pace of their own choosing. It’s like watching a movie unfold, where the last few minutes reveal the full story. They do that for dramatic effect and for your pity.
Narcissists are bullies. They find a victim or one they believe can be their next victim and attempt to bully them, but shock horror the victim fights back and leaves the narcissist shocked and knowing life isn’t going as planned.
Story flip, the victim bullied the narcissist and is making their life hell. They will deny any aggressive behavior. Claim that the victim is being too sensitive, unfair, and attention-seeking, sound familiar?
Character assassination, the end is in sight:
The lies, projection, and story haven’t worked. The victim has beaten the narcissist at their own game. They are stronger than they thought. So now they are no longer under their control. All that is left for the narcissist to use is slander, triangulation, and assassination.
That is when some of the wildest stories emerge, the posting of intimate pictures online, emails, and texts to family and friends and it damn near breaks you. Take the legal course, yes, it’s hard to do this and you appear crazy, use the stalking laws and stand up for your truth.
All narcissists act in the same way, just different stories. Once you have experienced one, you know the signs to look for.
We don’t always get it right and another narcissist slips through our barriers, don’t beat yourself up on this. It just means they are more accomplished at their art of deception.
Put your barriers back up, walk away with your head held high. You have done nothing wrong.
I am honored to know many survivors of these toxic people. Some have recovered and like myself, work on helping survivors. Others are still working on their recovery.
Just know there are more of us out here than you think. Look for us, and we will be the ones shining the beacon of light, showing you the way to hope and recovery.