Published in Jun 2018 / Updated in Aug 2021
People say dating offers a magical experience, but I have grown tired of it. Yes, in the beginning, it is all fun and excitement, but as time passes, it starts feeling like a burden. It leaves me feeling like a bird with its wings clipped.
I have decided that it’s time to take a break from this constant cycle of disappointments so that I can instead start doing things for my own betterment.
Less of him means more of me
When in a relationship, my priority list just changes drastically. All my dreams and goals start to vanish as I begin focusing on him and my love for him. But I want to do more for myself now. I want to refocus on my own dreams and work toward accomplishing them.
Instead of struggling to balance my time with my friends, boyfriend, and work every day; I can now choose to do what I want to do. Yes, my friends will be happy too, now that I won’t have to turn down their requests for a trip down to the beach. I can enjoy and indulge myself in a carefree manner, without getting that guilty feeling of being away from him.
I want to use this extra time by focusing on things I like to do. I am now able to travel as I wish and I will be able to explore my favorite hobbies and who knows; I might even start working on that book I’ve always dreamt of writing!
Me, myself & I
“You cannot love someone if you do not love yourself.”
I know it’s a total cliché, but it is right to the point. How can I expect someone to love or value me when I am not taking the time to appreciate myself? And how can I love myself when I am busy loving the other person?
One of my ex-boyfriends was a self-anointed critique. He criticized almost everyone and everything in my life. The effect of that was that I felt unappreciated and began under-valuing myself. I lost my confidence, I lost my Mojo because of him! So now I want to make myself the center of my Universe! Instead of letting someone judge me, I just want to love who I am, the way I am.
Being in a relationship changes a lot about you. Instead of thinking as ‘ME’, you start thinking as ‘US’, and all the decisions you make get affected in the same way. The relationship makes us dependent on each other, and with time, it makes you lose confidence in yourself.
I want to take this ‘Being Single’ time to discover myself. Make myself more confident and self-reliant. I don’t want anyone else to make a decision for me. Instead, I want to work to make myself strong enough to make my own choices and create my own path.
Self- exploration helps a lot in improving oneself, and I know that only a better me can have a better relationship in the future.
Right mind, right decision
My last few break-ups have not been so great and have left me wondering about a lot of things in my life. I need time off to figure out what I want from a relationship. I feel while trying to build a good relationship I have just compromised on things I always wanted out of that very relationship.
I guess that’s what causes the feeling of self-pity after a breakup. I want to meditate, go for some counseling, or even start writing in my diary again to keep a healthy state of mind and make sure that I never forget what I want in a relationship. Until then I just don’t think I can get involved with anyone.
I don’t want to repeat the same mistakes. I was once in a relationship with a guy whose sole focus was on himself. At times it even felt like he didn’t give a damn about me. So I ended the relationship myself. And the next guy I went out with was sensitive and caring. But the thing is, that while I was making sure this guy didn’t have the same bad qualities as the last one, I overlooked the actual negatives of this guy. He was extremely possessive and the relationship eventually ended in a bad breakup.
That’s why I now want my mind and heart in the right and healthy state before I date someone again. I don’t want to compromise on bad things for some good in a relationship. I don’t want to be in any rush now, and I want to be more patient while picking a guy because I know the more mistakes I make, the less capable I will be at finding the right person.