The question of whether to give an ex another chance is a common one that many of us have encountered. While providing advice to a friend in this situation may seem straightforward, the decision can be less clear-cut when we are the ones experiencing it. While it may seem logical to advise a friend to forget about their ex and focus on finding someone better, the reality is that the situation is often more complex when we are the ones directly involved.
It's a common desire for women to fantasize about a former lover who mistreated them begging for forgiveness on their knees. The idea of revenge can be alluring, but before making a decision, it's essential to consider a few things.
1. How serious was your relationship?
The duration of the relationship plays a significant role in determining whether it's worth considering a second chance. If the relationship spanned over several years and drifted apart, it might be worth working on. However, if the relationship was short-lived and filled with constant conflicts, it may not have been the best match.
2. Why did you break up in the first place?
There are countless reasons for ending a relationship, from intense fights to small but consistent issues like forgetting important events or flirting with others. It's crucial to revisit the original reason for the breakup and determine whether it's something that can be worked on. If it requires significant effort, such as couples counseling, consider whether you're willing to commit to it.
3. How was the sex?
While sex is not everything, it can be a significant factor in considering whether to give an ex another chance. If the sex was exceptional, it's understandable to want more of it, even if you don't see a future with your ex. It's essential to be honest with yourself about your motives, as there's no shame in wanting great sex. It's also likely that your ex won't object to this arrangement.
4. Can you trust him?
Trust is a crucial element for women in any type of relationship, whether it's casual or serious. If your ex-partner cheated on you, it can be challenging to trust them again without wanting complete access to their communication and internet history. However, constantly wondering about their actions and whereabouts can be exhausting and affect your mental well-being. Restoring the security you had before the breakup will take effort, and it's important to consider whether you're willing to put in the work to achieve it. Do you want to be the kind of person who secretly installs GPS tracking devices on their partner's phone?
5. Have you already (mostly) moved on?
If you've already moved on and accepted that the relationship is over, the likelihood is that you won't want to give your ex another chance. If it was easy for you to get over them, perhaps they weren't as amazing as you initially thought. If it's been months since the breakup, and you've worked hard to remove them from your life, consider whether you're willing to sacrifice the newfound independence and strength that came with moving on. Remember, there may be exceptions to this rule, but ultimately, it's up to you to decide.
6. What are his reasons for wanting you back?
Your ex wanting another chance with you doesn't necessarily mean it's for the right reasons. Perhaps he was rejected by the 20-year-old gymnast he left you for, or maybe he's struggling at work. Could it be that his friends have turned on him for the way he treated you? Whatever the reason, he better have a damn good excuse for giving you up in the first place. Let's be real, if he did, he probably wouldn't be standing on your doorstep asking for another chance. However, there is a chance that he has come to regret what he did and is genuinely sorry. But regardless of the reason, he should be able to clearly explain why he wants you back. If he can't, don't be surprised if you find yourself on the receiving end of another "it's not you, it's me..." talk in a few weeks.
7. How has he gone about asking for another chance?
Late-night drunk texts are not a legitimate way of asking for a second chance. Sometimes guys will try to rekindle a past relationship when their attempts at finding someone new fail. They might say whatever they think you want to hear to get back into your good graces. But don't be fooled by this kind of "apology." It's never genuine. If you receive one of these texts, it's best to ignore it and block his number. If you do decide to sleep with him again, don't make it easy for him.
8. Will he fit back into your life?
Your friends might have some opinions if you decide to reconcile with your ex, especially if you've previously spoken negatively about him to them. The severity of the breakup could affect their level of trust in your judgment, and they might be hesitant to allow him back into group gatherings. Additionally, if you've made significant changes in your life since the breakup, getting back together with him could potentially disrupt the progress you've made.
Ultimately, the decision to take your ex back is a personal one. What may be a deal-breaker for some may be acceptable to others. People can change, but let's be real, that stoner guy who turned your empty Gatorade bottle into a bong is not one of them. Don't go back to him.
Don't Give Your Ex Another Chance If He's Guilty Of These Things
Despite his claims of desperation and inability to live without you, there are certain behaviors that should disqualify him from being a suitable partner. These behaviors demonstrate a lack of respect and consideration, and make it clear that he will never be the kind of partner you deserve.
1. He cheated on you
Cheating may not always be considered a deal-breaker for some people, especially if it was a one-time mistake and the person promises to never do it again. However, deep down, you probably know that you can't move forward with this person. Their act of infidelity completely shattered your trust. Do you think you can regain that trust, and do you have confidence that it won't happen again in the future? It's best to let it go.
2. He's known for making empty promises
During your past relationship, how often did he disappoint you? How many times did he fail to be there for you when he promised to do things for or with you, leaving you feeling alone, unsupported, and unloved?
3. He's not sorry and he hasn't changed
If your ex is the reason for the breakup, it's reasonable to expect him to show genuine remorse and take accountability for his actions if he wants another chance. He should make an effort to apologize and demonstrate that he has made the necessary changes to be a better partner. If he doesn't, it may not be worth your time.
4. He takes you for granted
When you were in a relationship with him, he relied on you to do everything and put in all the effort while he did nothing. Eventually, you reached a breaking point and ended things. Now he's asking for another chance, but if you're convinced that he won't change and things will be the same as before, it's probably best to say no.
5. He's a repeat offender
If he has repeatedly betrayed your trust, let you down, or cheated on you, you have to ask yourself how many times this has happened. Everyone makes mistakes, but if he keeps repeating the same mistakes and expects a simple apology to make everything right, then he isn't taking you seriously and doesn't deserve another chance. What has changed this time? What makes you believe that the same behavior won't be repeated in your future relationship? Save yourself the trouble, emotions, and heartbreak and decline his offer for another try.
To gain further insight into whether you should consider giving your ex another chance, you can watch this video by dating and relationship expert Susan Winter.
