My Boyfriend Flirts With Other Women But Tells Me It Is All In My Head

As someone who considers myself open-minded, I understand that my extroverted boyfriend is a social butterfly and has a large circle of friends, including both men and women. However, I sometimes feel uncomfortable when I see him giving other women the attention that I believe should be reserved for me. I wonder if I am being overly sensitive.

1. Maybe flirting doesn't mean anything to my boyfriend

My boyfriend is someone who strives to keep everyone happy and be the likable, goofy guy in social situations. However, I sometimes wonder if his flirting is just a way for him to play the social game and keep people smiling. While I believe that everyone enjoys feeling praised, flattered, and special, I prefer that his female friends don't receive this attention from him.

2. Am I guilty of flirting with other guys, too?

I don't believe that I flirt with other men, but I do understand the enjoyable and exciting feeling that comes with flirting. It's about creating a playful atmosphere of tension and power. I have flirted with men in the past whom I had no romantic interest in - it was simply a thrilling experience that made me feel good. I wonder if my boyfriend feels the same way.

3. I don't blame my boyfriend for denying that he flirts

I understand if you think I'm going too easy on him, but let me explain. When someone is confronted about their behavior and they don't like it, they usually deny their actions and defend themselves. That's exactly what my boyfriend does when I confront him about flirting with other women. To be honest, I almost want him to deny it because if he were to immediately admit to it, I feel like that would be even worse.

4. Just for the record: I didn't imagine the whole thing

I witnessed it all - the whispered conversations, the physical touches, the jokes, the smiles, the glances, and even the text messages. These are not just imaginary occurrences. But when someone tries to convince you that what you know to be true is false, it can be infuriating and make you feel like you're losing your mind.

5. His flirting makes me mean to other women

I don't want to view other women as competition or treat them with hostility. It feels unnatural and draining. However, I feel like I have to behave this way for several reasons. Firstly, I feel like I need to be defensive to let them know that I'm not comfortable with the situation. Secondly, I want them to respect my boundaries and stay away from my partner. Lastly, I don't want to be embarrassed by my partner or the other women's actions.

6. Because he's flirted with other women, I'm super sensitive every time he's around other women

I don't want to be the paranoid person who scrutinizes every small detail, nor do I want to monitor his every interaction with other women. I want to enjoy myself as well. However, his past flirting makes it challenging for me to view him objectively. One thing I am certain of is that I no longer have a rose-colored perspective on the world. I now see things in black-and-white terms, and his actions are either all or nothing to me, which I dislike.

7. Even if your flirting was "all in my head", can you just not say that?

Open communication and trust are crucial in any relationship. It would have been better if he didn't dismiss me outright when I brought up his flirting. It would have been more helpful if he acknowledged my concerns and said something like, "I'm sorry if I made you feel that way, I didn't intend to flirt." or "I'm sorry if I made you feel left out/betrayed/ignored." Instead, he chose to deny everything and claim it was all in my head. It's an effortless way to avoid taking responsibility, isn't it?

8. When my boyfriend flirts with other ladies, it makes me feel unworthy and not good enough

It's already difficult enough that he denies everything and claims it's just in my head. However, his behavior makes me feel worthless, inadequate, and like I have to compete with all the other attractive women in his life. I don't want to have to fight for his attention, but is that what our relationship has come to?

9. He might not admit that he's flirting, but at least he knows I'm not naive

Although I understand that his pride might be a factor in denying his flirting, I am still glad that I voice my concerns. I don't want him to think that I'm naive or unaware of what's going on. I see through his actions.

10. Even if he flirts with other women, I can play a better card

I've come to realize that being needy, demanding, and insecure is unattractive to men. It's a total drag. So, when my boyfriend thinks it's amusing to flirt with another woman, I channel my inner Katharine Hepburn and act unimpressed. I find it so dull that I can't even be bothered with him or her. My nonchalant attitude sometimes worries him, but my response is always the same: "It's all in your head, darling."