I have trouble making friends because my anxiety tells me things
that aren’t true. I feel like people think I am weird and don’t
want to be around me. Or, if they do actually like me, they are just
pretending. My brain lies to me but I don’t know when to trust it.
So I don’t have many friends because of it.
I Feel Safe At Home
With the friends I do have, I feel like I am a bad one. Some days
it’s just too much for me to want to leave the house. I don’t do
well with spur of the moment plans so people just stop asking because
they think I don’t want to do things with them. I do but I need
time to get my mind around the fact that I will be out in public.
Because people I don’t know set off my anxiety.
I Don’t Like The Phone
I don’t like to talk on the phone and I don’t like to gossip.
It makes me feel put on the spot to keep a conversation going. I’d
rather talk in person where silence isn’t as awkward. Where I don’t
feel put on the spot to fill in the pauses in conversation with idle
chit chat. So friends think I don’t want to talk to them just
because I don’t want to talk to them on the phone.
Sometimes I’m Too Worn Down
It has nothing to do with my friends but sometimes anxiety and
depression wear me down so much that I don’t have the energy to
text or engage in any way with anyone. I have trouble with my own
problems that I don’t have time or energy for theirs. It doesn’t
mean I don’t care, I just don’t have the energy.
I Need Alone Time To Recharge
Some people don’t like to be alone. They get lonely and need
human interaction. I am not that way. I need my alone time to
recharge. If I am around people for too long, I feel worn down. Even
if I really like those people, I still need time alone afterwards.
I Feel Like A Burden
My brain tells me my friends really don’t like me and that they
are just pretending to like me. If I send them a message, I assume
they are getting annoyed with me and think that I am too needy. So I
pull back and stop sending messages, just so they don’t think I am
bothering them. They probably get offended by this but I just really
don’t want to be a burden to people.
Because of all of these things, I don’t have many friends who
understand. I don’t like to be upfront about my anxiety but it
tends to come out anyway. Maybe it’s just better that I don’t
have many friends. Just fewer people to disappoint I suppose.