Isn’t that one of Cher’s most well cited drunk tweets at the turn of the century? Her internal dialogue with her mum about the importance of marrying a rich man? 

In her infinite wisdom, Cher responded in typically Cher fashion: ‘Mom, I am a rich man’.

We could all do with living with this mantra a little more. A little less ‘If I could turn back time’ and a little more ‘Strong Enough’ – because we are. 

This is particularly true when it comes to marriage and love. I know we’re all told that the tall, dark, handsome archetype of a man is the best way forward, better still if he’s rich and can support you, but want to know a secret? 

You can support yourself! In fact, it’s best if you can be financially independent because that way you aren’t relying on anyone. Also, it prevents you tingeing your relationship with the power dynamics that come with one person being the ‘breadwinner’ and the other one the ‘stay at home’ figure.

But why is money such a difficult topic in marriage and relationships?

Well, on the initial superficial level at the courting stage, it’s what will grab people’s attention if you’re trying to impress someone. Yes, the flash new car and super white platform trainers look good for a couple of weeks, but you need ot know what’s beneath that. 

What constitutes the person underneath the expensive gifts and symbols of wealth. Is he compassionate? Caring? Does he know you? Is he willing to learn?

We’re all insecure in the modern world, but are his gestures of wealth compensating for his shortcomings in another area?

The risk with money and wealth in a relationship is that it has power of its own, and can often displace actual conversation or meaningful intimacy. If you can just receive diamonds every special occasion, how well does that show he knows you?

It’s a bit of a cop out unless they’re accompanied with more significant personal meaning, you could be anyone. That’s the other issue with an asymmetrical distribution of money in a relationship, it makes it so easy for a material relationship to be extremely bland. 

Sometimes you might find that you step back and don’t have much tying you to relationships without the sparkling bracelets. You may even find that they come to feel like chains instead. 

The long and short of it?

Money makes things easier in some respects, and in others, much more boring and the expiry date on the relationship gets pushed up every time a gift is given to end a conversation. 

We aren’t pets, we don’t need rewards for obedience or to train us into a certain response. We are complex individuals and everyone in any type of relationship should be able to communicate their needs and be heard. 

I think money in a marriage can also lead to a lack of trust, for these reasons and also because money can prove a relationship’s security up to a certain point without any particular emotional investment.

Yes, you might know your monetary value to that person – or judge that so long as the cost of what they buy you continues to increase that you continue to grow closer to them…

But that’s a lie. 

It introduces distance, keeps actual emotions at arms length, and ensures that you have to swat away the material goods just to have a normal conversation. It’s a crutch in the relationship that you often don’t realise is there until it’s too late. 

You have to reflect on whether you would miss the diamonds, or the person. If you can’t separate the two, it’s probably telling you something.

If there isn’t anything else to their personality other than being rich, it will fill your pockets but wont fulfil your emotions. Reflect on that, it’s not the basis of a happy marriage, friends.