This article is going to be an interesting one for me to write. I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine who is quite emotionally damaged. He is genuinely the nicest guy, straightforward, and not the kind of person to play games, but he is his own worst enemy when dating.
So one night, over a glass of wine we began talking about men and women and settling. While at the beginning of his monologue, I didn't agree with him, but towards the end, I was thinking back to my moments where I had settled. This started to make me think about how many people out there had settled and how far they went to settle.
In my instance, I settled into a relationship that I felt nothing for that person, but alas, I was bored, tired of being hurt, and of course, just wanted some company. I decided to settle into a safe relationship, not something passionate and exactly what I was looking for. The more I look back at this, the more I think it was unfair on both myself and the man involved because I wasn't honest. The whole relationship was a lie. I did enjoy spending time with him, but I wanted nothing more than just a friendship with him. I truly didn't even find him attractive.
On the other hand, my friend began to explain that when it came to men, they would be less likely to settle into a relationship and more likely to settle when it comes to sex. Now, this was quite interesting to me. I haven't ever thought much about what he was saying because we all get taught from a young age that men are only interested in looks, so why would they settle when it comes to sleeping with someone that might not be the best to look at if that is all they care about?
So here was what he explained, when it comes to relationships, especially serious ones, men are less likely to settle because they want to make sure that if they are going to end up giving up their emotional side to someone, that the person they give it to is exactly who they want. While it might start physical for them, the closer they get physically and emotionally, the more they invest from that perspective.
However, when it comes to just a hookup, men really couldn't care less. They will swipe right on pretty much anyone just to get a "leg over" or get their "rocks off" whenever they feel like it. So pretty much from the horse's mouth, don't trust men on dating apps!
When it comes to women, however, this is where things get tricky. Women look at a man and think, yeah, he's ok but what comes out of his mouth and whether it's funny, engaging, or even intellectually stimulating, how he holds himself or even the way he looks at you is how a mature woman measures a man (well in my experience), so in order to sleep with a man the woman needs to feel a connection on a deeper level (usually) something that is more than just physical. It's not like the woman will jump.
Maybe it's true, unless we are on the same page simultaneously, looking for the same thing…Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus!
