When it comes to the matter of a heart, words sure do know how to make things more complicated, even in a relationship. Here's what not to say, especially if you're arguing or having difficulties.
No one has a perfect relationship, and we all try our best to resolve our problems with mutual compromise. That's why everyone agrees that communication is the key to being in a loving, healthy relationship.
It is not easy to stay calm and rational during arguments. Specific triggers can cause an emotional breakdown, and take things from bad to worse. Sometimes all it takes is one word!
When you say "always," you are putting your partner in a position of all or nothing. Additionally, it means they are wrong, and they can't fix their mistakes. It's such a small, ordinary phrase, yet it has a sense of righteousness, so don't make it a joking matter. Because the joke might end up on you.
"Always" merely doesn't represent learning or healing. It's something that's creating a sense of unease, and even if you are in the right, you don't have to torture your partner with overdramatic expressions.
Again, we're dealing with a word that means all or nothing. "I never use that tone" or "I would never say that" means that you're this divine creature, and you can't make a mistake.
The other side also hears that your loved ones are far beneath you, all hopeless and useless. There is no never, and there's no always. What you have is now, so stick to the facts. Put your feelings into words by stating: "my concern is…"
Well, that's undoubtedly one thing you don't want to hear: that your opinion or your feelings are "ridiculous." Similarly to stupid, pointless, or whatever it is that we use in everyday language. There's nothing more irritating than someone telling you that you can't express yourself safely in a loving relationship.
Making your partner feel invalidated will create feelings of resentment. Instead, acknowledge that you hear your partner and focus on what made them feel that way. It doesn't have to make sense to you, but try to show empathy.
Using "but…" is spinning. It's a way to turn positive into negative and vice versa. It's clearly sending mixed messages and invalidates whatever you meant to say.
"But" deletes whatever came before it. You can win a fight by putting various scenarios out there, but it doesn't get you anywhere. You're both playing for the same team.
There's one expression that summarises every teenager: it's merely "whatever." But you're not a rebellious teen, so instead, you're telling your partner that you are indifferent, you don't care.
You think you'll avoid the conflict, but you're making space for more arguments. A healthy discussion means that you should be free to express yourself and not start acting out. And "whatever" implies that you're doing just that: being a brat, who doesn't know how to talk to an adult.
Strangely, words can move you, inspire, and yet break you. You can hear a song and start crying. Or hear some old joke, and remember the good old days which will instantly take you into a relaxing, soothing mood.
Our emotions respond to words, and that's why it's good to know which ones to avoid. For the sake of your relationship.