Self-care isn't yoga pants or fancy books or pretentious throw pillows and oats three times a week. It's love!
Love yourself and let yourself be loved.
We all have flaws. The person you love is flawed. You know they, you likely love their flaws, especially. That proves that people can be flawed and desirable at the same time. Therefore, it stands to reason that if that is the case for other people, you too, in being imperfect, can be desirable and worthy of love. Send tweet.
This is even true of heartbreak, Yes, we can learn from it!
Heartbreak is one of those words that everyone knows about. We all know the ways that a heart can be torn apart or stretched to within an inch of its existence. The real kicker, though? It's not always just a case of relationships breaking up and then having to deal with that. That's a fairly linear form of grief to deal with. In as far as it's linear and you know you are hurting you and who is to blame. The heartbreak that I'm here to talk to you about is all about family and identity, specifically about what we do and do not owe one another of ourselves. And the fallout that comes with people either asking for too much or of people not feeling comfortable giving anything.
It's one of the simple facts of life
Chocolate always tastes good after a long day. No one 'likes' running. And finally, 'when you love someone, you don't change them'.
Their flaws are the best part of them. No question of holding them against the person you love. Yes, it's human nature to feel like you have flaws or mistakes or things that you need to improve upon. the need to be needed and form connections are one that is fundamental to the human experience. This includes both physical and emotional, even spiritual moments that you can forge together with another person, which allows you to be vulnerable (scary) and honest (gosh!) with other people and yourselves.
Resultant of this instinct, we form communities and band together with common interests to face common enemies, and the same is true on an individual basis. While it's perfectly fine to be nomadic or to love living alone and in your own space, it's also extremely natural – not dated or silly – to want to shack up with someone. If nothing else, this comes out of a desire to think about the future, seek protection, and above all else, have security. This was true of cavemen gathered around primitive fires, and it's true of your Sunday morning family brunch in 2019.
It's just science, guys
When you're in a relationship, you need to feel like you can be vulnerable and loved for those vulnerabilities. Otherwise, you don't have an outlet, and you will start to bottle up your emotions. Nothing good comes in those bottles, my friends.
We need to let our guards down – do you guys remember what it feels like to go home to your family for the holidays when you sit by a warm fire and get fed to within an inch of your life by your slightly overbearing mother and father? That's what we acclimatize to as children, and it's right that we should desire it as adults. These feelings are valid and rooted in social structures that have pervaded for centuries.
It sometimes takes another person loving you to realise how much you love yourself
I know it's cheesy, but am I wrong? Sometimes you need the person you love to announce that they adore your birthmark or freckles or thighs or fringe for you to recognize it yourself. We see ourselves through the same lens every day, but you can revitalize and re-energize your self-love in conjunction with emotional support from another person. That's just as valid as coming to similar conclusions on your own, and we shouldn't have to be emotional masochists and suffer alone. We rid ourselves of the capability to do this by thinking that people need to change to be worthy of our love. Love is something freely given, and your heart is willingly received by another. It's not a decision or something caveated by conditions. Otherwise, it's not love.
I'm not saying that if you don't love yourself, you aren't enacting self-care. That's too intense. But equally, you don't only have worth when someone else loves you. Someone can love you before you truly love yourself. But that's because there's no endpoint; it's all about the journey. How you get there, the people that you meet along the way.
You learn so much more about your own needs
Sometimes in the dark recesses of our mind, there lie a few thoughts that we would rather didn't see the light of day. They largely comprise of self-hating angst and irrational stress about things we can't control. But lots of us grow up thinking that we're unloveable, or that a relationship won't ever be on the cards. Therefore, when we eventually get what we're looking for, we realize how much we can offer the world. Indeed, once you're comfortable, you recognize your own needs. You also realize that you can communicate these needs, boundaries, or desires and have them happily met or discussed. In short, you have proof that you are a good person, worthy, and capable of love. It makes self-love so much easier when you have proof.
Therefore, as I wrap up this essay and reflect on another emotional whirlpool in two pages or less – I have one more thought to leave you guys with…
When to love another person's flaws, you realize that it's okay to have some yourself. And we are all the happier for having that realization.