The day you lose your parent, nothing will ever be the same again for the rest of your life. The shock is usually a sobering reality that life is short, and eventually, even the best people life has gifted you will one day pass on to another life.
Although he was really sick, his condition was considered chronic, not acute. Therefore, he was supposed to live with the condition for years.
It would be tough, but at least he would be there for all of us. We could still spend time with him and celebrate his life.
But with little warning, he was in a health emergency, and from there, we found ourselves in hospital. Everything was chaotic. The next thing I remember is receiving the soul-crushing news that he was gone.
That ushered me into a chapter of my life I have always dreaded–grieving my parent.
There is nothing like it. You have to process so much emotions and thoughts in an instant.
We Were Supposed To Have More Time.
But like life, death can be very unpredictable.
It seemed like he was getting better, and was even discharged from hospital to receive care from home.
We were all celebrating the progress considering that he had been through weeks critical care and tense-inducing surgeries to rid him of the tumors.
We felt we had more time, and even for a moment, we went back to our normal routines and thought about work and other concerns of this life.
Then all hell broke loose. In a few short hours, he moved from staying at home and getting better every day to being the source of my greatest grief.
I had never prepared for the moment, and I never knew the best way to react.
My first reaction was detachment. But that would give way to intense sobbing. I didn’t know what to be because I couldn’t bear any of the states I was getting in and out of.
At Times, I Was Angry At All The Unresolved Arguments We Had.
I remembered some harsh things I said and wished I could take them back. Yes, I was regretful and bitter. Mad at who I had been when with him.
But then the good memories would come flooding back. I remembered the childhood adventures. It may have been just a simple trip to town for him, but for me, it was the wildest adventure I knew and I cherish the memories to this day.
Then it would hit me. The one person who made it all happen was gone from my life for good. Then my heart would be shattered all over again.
Such is the wild and intense rollercoaster of emotions that hits you when you are grieving.
Physically and mentally, you feel drained. You feel like you have lost sense of who you are. Even your own body feels alien to you.
Everything seems to fall apart. Your mind wonders, and you start doing things and can’t remember why.
You Walk Into A Room And Forget What You Came In For.
You call someone to tell them something and can’t recall what. People think you are listening to them as they give you comforting words when your mind is lost in a vast wilderness of desolation and loneliness.
Over time, I managed to deal with the grief, and I learned a few things I would like to share with you today.
1. You can never really prepare for the loss of a parent. No matter how much you try or how well you saw it coming, no word of comfort gives the experience any meaning.
2. The void they leave behind will always be there, and nothing will ever fill it. You have to accept that.
3. You might regret a few things, but don’t be too hard on yourself.
4. Grief has no formula. You might need time alone, while another can need other people around.
In short, grieving a parent is very personal and profound.