If there is one millennial trend that has most strongly captured my attention this week, then the cardboard cutout of your best friend has simply got to take the cake. If nothing else, then for its sheer complexity. Is it more obnoxious than it is wholesome? Who's to say!
I just admire the capitalistic venture to so ardently replicate its symbolic problems of generating the same workhorses by literally cloning a picture of your friend. If they're ignoring your calls or leaving your hilarious facebook tags to read, then here's the natural solution to maintaining contact.
24/7 contact with an actual human being might be impossible, or at least slightly less emotionally compelling. But with just a picture of the person that you love so much, you can have conversations with them and air things that you wouldn't otherwise get to express.
More importantly, they can't respond, so if you have just had a fight with them and want to practice your argument on them, it's the perfect opportunity to work out any kinks in your syntax or moderate your use of cusses.
The key pieces of information to know are that the company behind it is 'cardboardcutoutstandees,' and they're available online through all normal sources.
The cutouts themselves retail at a hefty $49.99
Whoever said that the cost of friendship is just the company clearly didn't anticipate this latest lucrative venture. Maybe we should all be charging people for our time, and hey, at least it's cheaper than a therapist. Slightly, anyway.
One thing we have to add as a disclaimer, though, is that no matter how appealing it may be to replace your entire friendship group with cardboard cutouts when they irritate you, it's probably not wise in the long run to entirely forgo human contact.
If nothing else, think about the papercuts and the dead look in their eyes after a long day of talking to nothing but a dead tree.
You can see the picture I'm painting here, can't you?
It is, however, the natural remedy to some of life's more modern problems that facetime just can't solve—namely, long-distance relationships. Yes, you appreciate that sending your nearest and dearest off to another country for the foreseeable future may have its own consequences, but what about content?
What about when you've had a really long day in the office and it's just not been your week (cue FRIENDS theme tune)? Who do you turn to when the time difference means that your best pal is asleep and well into his REM cycle across an ocean from you? Well, you whip out your trusty tailor-made alternative and make do.
Granted, it's a bit like substitute meat – not quite the same but it does its job in a satisfying enough way.
But either way, you need to eat something
These wonderful cutouts also come in editions for your loved ones, partners, children, and even pets – no object of your affection is too small or too large for their essence to be captured in print.
The only limit is your imagination and friendship circle. One might exhaust itself before the other, lol!
The important thing to note is that if you order it by noon, you can have your nearest and dearest by your bedside by the next day! That's a better return than getting someone to fly home from across the Atlantic, and probably cheaper!
We love a shameless moment of self-care and gratuitous good old fashioned fun.
I'd recommend it if you and your friends need a laugh – or a punching bag!