Dating can be hard. Let’s face it though; every woman secretly fantasizes about the perfect prince charming coming to sweep her off her feet that checks all of her boxes of what she wants. Having standards is not unreasonable, and in fact, men will respect you more if you come to the table with what you want.
Guys will always ask for your phone number, and you are under no obligation to give yours out. We’ve all been in that situation where a dude is overly confident in his approach and says “Hey baby, can I get your number?”. Your response could be “I’m sorry, I don’t give my number out, but I will take yours.” This way, the ball is entirely in your court, and you can choose to call him or not.
Don’t ever feel “obligated” to go out with a guy if you are not genuinely interested in him. If a man is obnoxious within the first few minutes of meeting him, do you want to torture yourself and endure an entire evening of obnoxiousness? You can say no and mean it. You will feel free and relieved if you allow yourself the opportunity to accept that you don’t have to please everyone. Be honest and say “No, I’m sorry I’m not interested.”, Guys will usually respect you more for your honesty in the end.
Be upfront right away about what you are looking for in a relationship. If you go out with a guy, and he thinks you are a fun chick to hang out with, don’t be afraid to say “I am looking for something serious, what are you looking for?”. Some men are just not ready for the commitment and are not “emotionally available” to give you the commitment you want.
The same aspect goes for a family. If you long to be a mother with six children, then be upfront and say that you want a family. If the guy pushes away or states he never wants kids, then you know right away that he is not the one for you and there won’t be any reason to continue dating. However, if he likes the idea of a large family, then he may already be thinking of where to take you on the second date.
Having values is not being unrealistic or picky. It’s a reflection of who you are and in the end, either the guy will fit into your values or he won’t. Maybe you are religious, or you choose not to smoke or drink. Having a common bond strengthens your relationship and ultimately seals the deal in a commitment. The importance is identifying the list of things you value, and honestly know yourself. Many relationships have failed when a woman either doesn’t have a clear vision of her values or realizes later on that what she thought she wanted is not true anymore.
You don’t have to kiss him on the first date! I get that this is not the stone age, but men like the pursuit of you, the anticipation… the hunt. Make it clear some time in your conversation if you kiss on the first date or not. This prevents that awkward final moment where he leans in for a kiss, and you either move away or are forced into a situation you did not want. It’s okay to tell him “I want to get to know you more.”. In the end, he will appreciate that you don’t make out with every guy you go out with, and his anticipation will increase for the time he does get to kiss you.
The dreaded “social media relationship status.” commitment should only be posted if you are exclusively dating for 3-4 months. Let’s face it, not everyone wants Auntie Frannie asking you about every relationship change. Announcing to the newsfeed of every friend and family member puts added pressure on you. If he likes it, he will put a ring on it, and then think of the surprise and celebration of something significant.
In this era of #metoo, perhaps women collectively need to understand that intimacy doesn’t need to be on anybody’s time frame but our own. You don’t have to sleep with a guy if you are not ready. Some guys will tell you right away if that’s all they want, but stand firm in your convictions and hold on to your values to wait for your prince charming. He’s out there, and when you find him, he will respect any standard you have for intimacy.
Lastly, speak your mind. Men will appreciate it if they know what you want instead of feeling like they have to read your mind to get an honest answer. If he asks you where you want to eat, speak up and say you love Italian food; don’t just say “I don’t care where we eat.”. Be honest in your expectations and boundaries. Guys will appreciate and respect you for it.