“I love you, but I love me more” is such a cliche, yet it’s the truth. You can genuinely adore someone and not want them in your life. For many reasons, but mostly because you chose yourself.

There’s a massive misconception that we leave people we love only when our physical lives are in danger. Nope, we love them while leaving them, because we know that love isn’t enough. It takes a lot of guts and courage to break up with a person while your heart is screaming, bleeding, and falling into pieces.

So why do we do it? And when? Is there an actual moment when you’re like: “Ok, I have to leave now.” Or do you wing it? None of these questions have just one right answer, so let’s go through some scenarios. Maybe that will give you a push in the right direction.

What you need vs. what you get

It’s time to dig deep and try to be more objective towards your relationship. Pretend you’re advising someone you care for deeply.

Do you feel like your partner is listening to you? Are they present enough? Do they ask you for opinions, plans, decisions,… Do they know the real you or you’re always in some role, they wanted you to be from the start?

Your needs, desires, as well as your self-worth and respect, should be recognized by your partner. Love’s just a word, so if they aren’t showing romantic feelings, maybe they don’t feel the same as you. Or perhaps they aren’t capable of loving you the way you deserve.

No one can or should tell you what to do. But remember that people don’t change overnight. You think you can’t live without them now, but that’s kind of a stretch. Because they could leave you tomorrow, so it’s all about self-preservation. You matter more than them.

One-sided romance

You know a couple where one person is always trying to please the other, and it looks like they are playing master and servant? Nope, you don’t want to be in that kind of one-sided relationship, but are you sure you aren’t already?

For you, they are the whole world. For them, you’re a hookup. You’re not talking future, and even talking about weekend activities means you’re moving too fast. Well, that’s what you’re SO saying, and you agree. In fact, you tend to be so agreeable that it’s sad.

The more you spend in this “relationship,” the less you’ll feel like a person. The thing is: your partner isn’t doing anything wrong. You have this idea that they have to love you, and you’re the one making sure that they are stuck with you. It’s pathetic.

Why do we end up in these relationships? Well, not all have the same emotional intelligence. Some people are more romantic; others like to daydream. We are desperately looking for love, and we see it as a mirage.

Observe your behavior and your self-esteem. Work out your sense of self, because once you do, do will realize that you should have more. You can live without them, no matter how much you love them. It’s a choice.

Where to next?

Should we keep someone in our lives just because we love them? Not really. If someone isn’t capable of giving us their best, they shouldn’t be in our lives. Do you want a daily reminder of your lost lover? Or worse, do you want to start creating everyday scenarios of what could’ve been?

Yes, it will hurt, but doesn’t it hurt already? Every time you don’t feel loved or cared for, it hurts. No, they won’t change, and no, the problem doesn’t have to be them. Your heart was in the right place, but with the wrong person. Accept it. Release it. Learn from it and move on!