Is there a better paradoxical phrase than that classic Noughties tune ‘remember to forget you’ by whatever pop junkie was the rage at the time? No, didn’t think so.

It’s one of those lyrics that everyone in the club screams when it comes on because it’s just a universal emotion. Heartbreak. Disappointment. Lovelessness. Anger. Confusion. 

We’ve all been there, barely recognising the emotions as they check in through our brains. 

It’s probably hardest and most bewildering the first time. That first time we fall in love and feel it with the force of a freight train, that’s the kicker.

At least later on in life we know what to expect. 

The intensity, the all-consuming nature of love is never more strange than when you’re about to exit your teens and suddenly you see them. Across the street, or in the newspaper stand when you least expected it, or even at a ball when your eyes met across the table. 

We’ve all been there, trust me. Falling head over heels is much easier than the music videos from the Eighties make it out to be, and just as painful as the Romantic poets demonstrate with their melodramatic elegies. 

There isn’t really anything that I can say that your grandparents, friends, and the bottom of the Ben and Jerry’s tub hasn’t already communicated to you.

But it will get better. I promise. 

No emotion is permanent, and just like all the things you’ve overcome in your life, this too shall pass. It may pass like an absolute mother, but it will work its way through you.

You will be stronger for it, too. Having endured that specific complexity of personal disappointment and heart-aching anguish for something that you can’t count on anymore.

The self blame, the anger towards a third party that you want to be able to blame but know that you can’t really. It’s easy to blame the other person, but sometimes we know it’s our fault too.

That’s  a bitter pill to swallow.

But everything is a learnable opportunity. Just look your mistakes in the eye and build from them. Listen to the Fleetwood mac playlist if you need to. Landslide will loosen all the emotions and you’ll get your catharsis.

But after that, sit down with a friend and talk it through. Unearth the good memories, unpack the bad. Reflect on where it seemed to go wrong, resolve to do better next time. 

Know now what you want out of a relationship. It might be something different than you thought. Maybe holding that person to that standard was a mistake, it may even have contributed to the downfall of the relationship, but it’s done.

There’s nothing you can do now.

Take time. You are worthy and valid outside of relationships. They don’t define who you are, only you can do that. You just have to learn to distance yourself. Step away. Get perspective.

Exist on your own for a little while, find peace. Find hope in the future. Learn more about who you are and what your priorities are. Catch up with your hobbies, find new ones. Distract your brain. 

But remember that you will find a love worthy of you at the time when you’re ready to make it work. It’ll be worth waiting for.

Just use your experiences and heartbreak to remember the reasons why you forgot them.

If you’re feeling lonely on a Friday night, you’re not alone.

But it will feel normal to be alone for a little while. Get out of bed, start again. The relationship wasn’t for you, not this time.

Rest assured, you did the right thing by forgetting them. We all remember why. And we love you.