It's A Jungle Out There: The Reality Of Dating A Cougar

It’s A Jungle Out There: The Reality Of Dating A Cougar

Yes, I know that sounds like a line straight out of a Friends episode – a season 8 Friends episode, but bear with me. I've got some tea to spill and wisdom to impart to my good pals.

Okay here me out, guys – I know you think you've heard it all before. The young guys are too immature, they don't want what we want.

I personally just love the salt and pepper look. Top stuff, gents

But seriously, the classic reasons are all classics for a reason. Experience brings wisdom. Older guys generally know better than to treat you like trash. Or, they made those mistakes in their youth and are in a position to do better now. People forget that older men are the same men that were young, just grown up. Like, that's just how the logic works, lol.

Well, I'm here to tell you that exactly the same is true of older women!

When we say we like older women, we aren't talking about an alien species. It's just a time jump that brings a little patience and support. We deserve the best. The right person – who will treat you the way you deserve – is out there for you. There's no reason you should pressure yourself or push for what you aren't ready for. Don't worry about what other people are doing around you – they don't matter. Seriously, it's your life that you need to live – not theirs. You can't judge your success on their terms or constantly be comparing yourself to them because then you can never win. Or feel satisfied. That will be because you are living your life by other people's timelines and stressing yourself needlessly over something over which you have little control. Emotions and the heart are liable at any given moment in time to do whatever the hell they want. Therefore, it stands to reason that we are sort of wasting our time trying to fit into someone else's template.

As soon as you accept that you aren't in a rush to find your forever relationship with the first guy you come across as a teenager, the better you can assess the situation.

I retain to this day that Romeo and Juliet would have never happened if they hadn't been 13 and 18 and very stupid.

I mean, bless them, obviously

But a little common sense and patience for the future goes a long way.

Maybe, it's just the offer of something new. You'll never know until you try it out. Sometimes you need to try something rogue just to know that you don't like it. Maybe that's the case for you guys too. I won't pretend that older guys are everyone's cup of tea. The same is true of 'cougars'.

Think about it

Unresolved daddy or mummy issues? Financial security? Maybe damaged slightly but in all the right ways… Perhaps he just rocks the dad bod and it does something unexplainable to you. You don't have to explain yourself. I just suggest that you don't knock it 'till you try it. Learn more about yourself and your needs!

Yes, you might get some judgemental looks here and there from people the same age as your partner, but do you want to hear the truth?

They're likely just super jealous that they didn't think of it first!

Some friends of mine are compulsive partners – they always need a Person that they can love. To put all their eggs in that emotional basket. That's fine, most of the time, and as long as they're fairly self-aware, that's their cross to bear. But that's often the cycle of relationships that you can get caught in when you're going for younger guys because no one your age knows what they really want. Nothing wrong with that, but maybe it's just more efficient to start with one part of the couple who is a little older and therefore does know what they want.

But another reality of relationships with cougars?

You'll probably get a lot more approving looks from your peers than in the reverse situation for women with an older man. In that respect, there is the control or power dynamic which is seemingly gendered, as though young girls can't be in control of the relationship, but young guys can? Gender politics aside, if you're dating an older woman, you become the Lad. Women dating an older man become 'that girl.'

But that's neither here nor there, enjoy yourself!

Everyone loves love, so stop thinking about what you can or cannot do or what your friends approve of, and start making plans. Make mistakes if you must, but make them so you can learn from them. The brilliant thing about cougars is that they have more life experience and have largely learned from their mistakes already – we're talking a fast track relationship here, chaps!

That's not to say that all relationships are emotionally healthy or balanced. Frankly, they rarely get out of the casual stage – but that's often exactly what the couple wanted anyway.

So go get her, son!