it wasn’t my fault, so whose fault was it then?

When something goes wrong and we don’t want to take responsibility for it, we play the blame-game. Our fear and the thought of humiliation overwhelm us and without consideration, we point our finger at someone we can displace the blame on.

Sometimes, we think the time is working against us. Any delay or disruption in our plans and routines is to be blamed on someone. When we do our best and still come up short, we cannot stand blaming ourselves. We use someone as a scapegoat.

The Purpose Of Blame

The focus is to shift the attention away from us and our issues. We need to be distracted from our own problems. We want to discard the whole heap of clutter and disappointment in our heads on someone else’s doorstep.

Blaming is unfair to the blamer and its victim. Shifting blame muddles the situation and delays solving the issue. The blamer feels the situation is out of control. He or she does not realize that there is power in taking responsibility.

The Odds Are Against The Blamer

In taking responsibility, the blamer can start thinking constructively about the issue. The next step is finding the strength and insight to solve the issue, blaming these clear-cut steps on problem resolution.

Blame is a manifestation of unresolved frustration, hurt, and disappointment. Because the problem seems silly, annoying, or even impossible, the blamer feels powerless to make sense of its roots.

The blamer sometimes uses blame as a way to deal with pent-up aggression. Accusers cannot find a way to compromise their desired outcomes. Their patience falls short of understanding the situation from the perspective of other people.

They are blinded by frustration and the compulsion to have their way. Finding it hard to adjust to new situations., they are forces to be reckoned with. They cannot just shift from one perspective to another.

Take Back Your Power

Resolution starts with admitting one’s shortcomings. Allowing vulnerability and limitations to shed light on what went wrong usually follows. Consequences are not bottomless pits that will swallow anyone who errs along the way. Instead, they are sources of insight and shelters us from taking too much at one time in our life.

When you feel the need to blame because of pride or fear, mindfully resist taking up your armor. Talk instead to a confidante or take comfort from simple pleasures in your life. Focus your energy on counting your blessings and accept the fact that we are not always in control. That no matter how much preparation or anticipation we sometimes do, we will still fall short of grace.

Falling short from grace does not mean we are undeserving or not worth the things and attention we want. It just means some things deserve more attention and the power we have is we can choose to move on.