A cheating wife brings as much pain to her husband as he would should roles be reversed. Marriage is sacred and should be treated as such. It, though, is sad that the "marriage bed" of many marriages is defiled by infidelity.
There are as many cheating women as there are men. Estimates suggest that over 25% of married men and 20% of married women engage in extramarital sex over the course of their relationships. (Atkins, Baucom, Jacobson, 2001)
Have you been suspecting that your wife is cheating on you? Has she been acting suspiciously? Going out without informing you and coming in at late hours, less inclined to share any sort of intimacy with you, or talking less about herself and her worries? Does it feel like you're just housemates instead of a loving, married couple?
These could be signs of other underlying issues besides cheating. Do not be quick to conclude that your wife is cheating. For all you know, her short term secrecy might be because she's planning a surprise for you.
Note that the best way to confirm if your wife is cheating is to catch her in the act or via honest conversation where she comes clean.
Well, there are clear signs that can help you tell if your wife is actually cheating on you or not. Foremost is your intuition. Once you perceive that she is cheating, then, you can look for other warning signs.
Cheating - Just Sex Or More?
According to Wikipedia, cheating in marriage refers to the violation of a couple's assumed or stated contract regarding emotional and/or sexual exclusivity. In other words, when you share emotions and/or have sex or sexual contact with someone besides your spouse, you are cheating. Also, cheating is an intentional choice, never a mistake.
Emotional Cheating
When you spend your emotions, time, attention, and energy on someone else outside your relationship, that's emotional cheating. From flirting to sharing explicit messages, down to developing feelings for the other man.
For example, your wife enjoys and spends more time with a member of the opposite sex at work than she does with you. She does this under the guise of "he's more fun", "we have a lot of things in common", and "he smells heavenly". She also spends more time chatting with him than she does in a conversation with you even when you're right there with her. Also, she worries about this other man and tries to look good for him.
Slowly, she's investing her time, energy, attention, and emotions. This is the start of infidelity. Even if she hasn't slept with him, when she starts sharing things and having feelings for him that should be exclusively yours, she's cheating.
Physical Cheating
This involves becoming sexually involved with someone other than your marriage mate. It goes from holding hands to touching inappropriate areas, grinding and rubbing against each other, and kissing and cuddling. It also involves masturbating someone else, oral sex, to actual penetrative sex. All of this is cheating.
Likely Reasons Why Your Wife Is Cheating On You
She's unsatisfied materially. As such, she seeks resources and opportunities you can't give her elsewhere.
She wants luxuries that you can't afford.
She is emotionally unsatisfied. Thus, your lack of attention makes it easy for her to fall into the snare of cheating.
You live apart from each other and for long periods.
Unsatisfactory sexual experience. You don't satisfy her sexual needs and you share low levels of intimacy.
She retained her relationship with former lovers.
She's plain promiscuous.
Other Scientific reasons why your partner might cheat are found here.
How To Tell If Your Wife Is Cheating On You
You can discover if your wife is cheating on you by paying attention to the following. Behavioral changes, changes in sexual needs, changes in social habits, and your conversations. It would be unwise and detrimental to your relationship if you pay unnecessary attention to these things without any suspicions.
Behavioral Changes
She becomes extremely petty
If your wife is cheating, she'll most likely start noticing and pointing out your flaws more often. She could mention how unsatisfied she is with things she never used to mention.
For example, she could say "I'm so sick of coming home to you looking like that" or "we don't do anything fun anymore". This could be because she's genuinely unhappy. Or she could just look for reasons to justify her affair.
The best thing to do is to talk things out. Try to find out what's wrong and what you can do to improve. But, if after doing what you can she's still petty, something's up.
She becomes the queen of comparison and criticism
There's suddenly nothing you know how to do well. Your dress sense is off to her, the way you laugh is too loud, and you're too sloppy.
Statements like "Do you see Cassie's husband (a mutual friend) doing that?" shows the comparison. Or "Don't you see the way Dan combines his shirts and suit? You're too stuck up". She literally becomes unsatisfied with anything you do.
She picks fights more often or doesn't fight at all
If your wife gets angry over anything and everything which usually isn't the case, something is wrong. Or she becomes so disinterested in you and what you do that she doesn't get mad at all. Cheating will keep her on edge constantly causing the former while the latter shows a woman who is no longer interested in you.
Either way, do not be quick to assume the worst. Try to talk about what you've noticed, what could be the cause(s), and how you can improve.
Changes In Sexual Needs
You have sex less or more
According to Robert Weiss, a sex expert, he says that "both decreased and increased levels of sexual activity in your relationship can be a sign of infidelity. Less sex occurs because your partner is focused on someone else; more sex occurs because they are trying to cover that up."
Give your partner the benefit of the doubt though. Changes could be hormonally related as well. If you notice changes in frequency, instead of jumping to conclusions, try to talk about it without being confrontational.
She introduces new sex positions
This could be her trying to spice things up. But, if she has been the unsuggestive type ever since you got married and suddenly wants to try new things, it's a sign that she could be cheating.
It can be some sort of "guilt sex". She's probably trying to see if it'll feel the same way and to justify why she's sexting someone else.
She calls out someone else's name during sex
This is a red flag. If she calls out the name of another man when you are in the heat of lovemaking, it is almost certain that your wife is cheating on you.
In that moment of ecstasy, she probably lost control of herself and spilled the bean. Or it could be that she was imagining having sex with someone else in your place.
Changes In Social habits
She goes out without informing you and comes back late
She probably used to inform you of her whereabouts without a prompt but now, she goes out without a heads-up and comes back late. When you ask her about it, all she gives are flimsy excuses.
This is a clear sign if you find out from subsequent conversations that she lied about where she said she was. This is especially so if the case repeats itself.
She spends longer hours at work and on business trips
When your wife starts spending more time outside the home than she used to, there's clearly something out there that is of more interest to her. There's something she's not getting at home that is out there. If you notice that she gets super excited about work and business trips, and stays longer than others do, it's suspicious.
Also, spending time with the same member of the opposite sex after work or on her business trips is a warning sign.
Changes her passwords and stops cloud sharing
If you notice that your wife has changed her password on all text messaging and social media apps, it is suspicious. She also might switch off cloud sharing on your devices so you are ousted out of what goes on in her life socially.
This could also be because you monitor all she does and she wants to limit that. Everyone does have a right to privacy.
She spends way less or more money
If you notice unnecessary charges on your credit card statement or fewer expenses, it could be two things. She's spending your money on her new lover, on herself for her new lover or he's spending so much on her that she doesn't need your money.
It's Likely Your Wife Is Cheating If You Notice These Changes In Conversation
She communicates less with you
Sharing is a sign of closeness and connection. When your wife shares less and less with you, it's a sign that you're getting disconnected. Getting connected with someone else could be the cause of this.
She doesn't confide in you anymore because she has a new confidante. This can reflect in your conversations. When she mentions different things she says she told you but you don't remember ever being told. It's likely she has been telling someone else and unintentionally mentions it to you.
A cheating wife will likely hide under the "I told you but you've forgotten" statement.
Her stories don't add up
A liar's worst enemy is someone with a good memory. Besides, we only lie when we have something to hide. Once she tries to cover up lies with lies, she's sure to falter someday. And when her stories don't add up anymore about where she has been and who she has been with, you'll likely discover what she's been lying to cover - infidelity.
She talks about a particular male friend a lot
When the name of a particular male colleague or one of your friends keeps popping up in your conversations, it's a yellow flag.
"Kester also likes this food", "Kester's house also has this chandelier", "Kester recommended this restaurant", "You remember Kester? He says he often visits this place". These statements show that she notices the little things about Kester. They also talk a lot for him to share the places he likes with her. She has also visited his home or seen a picture of it. The bottom line, she's interested in him.
So, if your instinct tells you that your wife is cheating, pay more attention to your conversations. You're sure to find hints.
When you notice these, talk about it before it blows up into a full-blown affair.
Changes In Appearance
She starts exercising more
Do not quickly assume that your wife is cheating because she's suddenly trying to get in shape and be fit. It could be to improve her health or overall lifestyle. But, it could also mean that she's trying to look good for the other man. Suggest to join her in exercising and take note of how she responds. A cheating wife will most likely be averse to the idea.
She totally changes her style of dressing
For you and herself, your wife might want to improve. But, it could also be to suit the taste of/impress her new lover. This especially becomes a concern if she wears her new choice of clothes to work or other gatherings where you are absent.
Before you assume that your wife is cheating, tell her that you've noticed her recent purchases and change in style. Ask if there's any particular reason for it. Hear her out before drawing conclusions.
Smells of cologne rather than her usual feminine scent
If that cologne is not yours and there is a recurring incident of her smelling like someone else, it's likely that your wife is cheating on you.
The list of things to look out for, for sure is long. But, remember, if there's nothing suspicious about your wife, don't start something by making a mountain out of a molehill. If you keep suspecting her of cheating, she just might do so to prove you right.
Some women cheat to retaliate because their husbands cheated. If that's true of your case, how do you view faithfulness in relationships? If you really do find out that she has been cheating, can your relationship survive it?
