Few things can be as emotionally distressing as parting ways with someone you love, especially when you believed that they were the one for you. However, sometimes it is essential and appropriate to let go, despite the fear and anxiety it may bring. Although it may seem like a daunting task, there are practical steps you can take to make the process of letting go a little smoother.
1. Accept that it's okay to love a person and not be with them
Love can be complicated because even when we still have feelings, we may realize that the relationship isn't functioning. It's tempting to cling on to the hope that if we persist, we'll eventually have everything we want from the relationship, but the truth is that love doesn't always overcome all obstacles. Perhaps the timing wasn't right, or we had conflicting desires. Regardless of the reason, it's essential to acknowledge that sometimes we can't be with the people we love.
2. Put some distance between you and them
It's natural to want to remain close to someone you still love, but doing so can actually make it more challenging and painful to move on. What you truly need is some physical and emotional distance from them, even if it's only temporary, to sort out your feelings. This might involve deleting their contact information, blocking them on social media, avoiding places they frequent, and getting rid of items that remind you of them.
3. Take stock of the relationship
Moving on doesn't mean dwelling on the negatives of the relationship. It's crucial to take an impartial view of both the positive and negative aspects. This approach may reveal that things were not as perfect as they seemed, and you can gain insight into what did or didn't work. There's always something to learn from the past that can inform future relationships.
4. Forgive what happened or didn't happen
After ending things with my ex, the most challenging aspect to accept was the idea of the memories we would never create together. To move on, it's essential to forgive both yourself and your ex for any mistakes made, and let go of the future you had envisioned with them. Dwelling on what could have been will not alter anything.
5. Allow yourself to feel whatever you're feeling
Saying goodbye to someone you love is a significant loss, and it's okay not to be okay with it. It's essential to allow yourself to experience and process your grief, anger, pain, and sadness without suppressing your emotions. Ignoring your feelings won't make it easier to cope with the loss. Give yourself the freedom to cry, feel and acknowledge your hurt. Moving on takes time, and everyone's healing journey is unique. Remember that healing is not a competition.
6. Talk about it
Sharing your feelings with someone who can listen without offering empty reassurances can be helpful in the process of letting go. Speaking aloud about our emotions can aid in the processing of what we're experiencing. If you don't have someone in your life who can be an impartial listener, consider speaking with a professional.
7. Accept that some things are beyond your control
When someone is unable to give you what you desire, there is often little you can do to change that. Even an abundance of love cannot force someone to reciprocate or change their behavior. It's important to stop trying to control situations that are beyond your control. Instead, prioritize yourself and focus on your own well-being. Take some time to be content with being alone.
8. Be gentle with yourself
Although letting go of someone you love may feel like an endless cycle of pain and emptiness, it's essential to remember that these feelings are temporary. It's okay not to be okay, and there's no need to rush the healing process. Be compassionate and gentle with yourself, and prioritize your own needs.
9. Put down the negative emotions
If your goal is to truly let go, it's crucial to put an end to the blame game, accusations, regrets, and anger. Regardless of whether the outcome was a result of your actions or theirs, dwelling on blame is unproductive. Instead, focus on moving forward, beginning anew, and seeking the next positive experience.
10. Try to get back out there
Letting go is undoubtedly a challenging process, but moving forward with your life can expedite the healing process. Try to maintain your regular routine and socialize with friends or go out alone. If possible, consider traveling or meeting new people to remind yourself that there's an entire world of individuals out there. By immersing yourself in new experiences, you may find that you are capable of falling in love with someone else, or someone new may fall in love with you.
11. Treat yourself
It's understandable to take some time to grieve after a breakup, but there comes a point where you need to start living your life again. Instead of wallowing in sadness, engage in activities that bring you joy and remind you of the good things in life. Take care of yourself, prioritize self-care, and make your well-being a priority. You'll find it easier to let go when you're taking care of yourself.