Is he cheating, or is your mind playing tricks on you? Are all men the same and leave the same trails of adultery?
There are some tell-all signs and some other things you should take into consideration before you confront your man.
Adultery exists for as long as relationships between people, but it is still a difficult emotion to accept and understand.
Your heart is broken; often, you feel hopeless; you lose the trust in your partner in a single moment, and you simply break down under the burden of broken promises.
We can almost always feel when something in a relationship isn't going right because suddenly, everything is different. Although we refuse to believe in such a thing, that odd feeling is always on our minds in such moments.
Is he cheating, or are you sabotaging the relationship?
In many cases, there's no cheating involved. Your mind is playing tricks on you, for whatever reason.
If you feel insecure or there is no deep emotional connection, you're slowly checking out of the relationship. It doesn't have to be that you're missing something significant. But it's a big deal for you.
We often self-sabotage our happiness because we think we don't deserve it. So, make a list of all things you love about your partner. Then list your insecurities, and perhaps, you'll get a breakthrough.
Ask yourself how well do you know your partner? How much are you two investing in your partnership? Are you equals? And finally, what made you even think that he's cheating.
Ten clear signs that something is off
We cannot fully answer the big question, whether he is cheating on you. But some signs give you enough to suspect that things are changing. And not for the better.
Among the ten most common signs that he's not the same are:
1. One of the defining characteristics of a cheating man is that he acts out of character, and his once well-known behaviors, actions, and routines start to switch. He's going from hot to cold and vice versa.
2. Unfaithful men tend to focus more on their appearance. If that's not something he used to do, there's a chance he might be cheating.
3. He's distant, and your sex life is going nowhere. It's like he's with you, yet he is doing his role, not enjoying your alone time. Is he cheating, or there's something else on his mind?
4. To cover his tracks, the man you love is now starting to lie. And when you confront him, he is accusing you of making things up. Placing blame is something manipulators know how to do well.
5. Your mutual friends are starting to wonder what's up with the two of you. They know how you acted before, and things aren't the same. So, despite your heart-tinted glasses, it's ok to consider other people's opinions.
6. An unfaithful partner might start being too gentle, overly kind, and full of forced surprises. He's buying you gifts, ironing, basically doing things that don't add up.
If he's acting too good to be true, it's probably because your partner is overcompensating for something.
7. While being moody isn't the clearest sign to the answer is he cheating, you shouldn't ignore it. He picks fights, accuses you of cheating, but worst of all, he's happier when he's not with you, alone.
8. Wanting privacy and space is normal for every healthy relationship. But, if he starts insisting on his rights out of the bloom, there might be trouble in paradise.
9. Don't forget your gut feeling. It's there for a reason. And if you're feeling anxious and you'd rather not even think about your relationship, something is going on.
10. Adulters will defend others who are doing the same thing. Whether you're watching a movie or talking about people you know, he might tell you more than he intended.
Finally, not only is he acting distant, but he's often bringing up how things would be if you weren't together. He's blaming you for some life he always wanted while rewriting the history.
Small trails cheaters leave in the internet era
Detecting that he's cheating on you has never been easier. Cheating in the era of digital technology always leaves trails.
Messages, e-mails, a list of phone calls, social networks, all the things that you can imagine, leaves your partner at the mercy of your curiosity. Sigmund Freud also wrote about an "unconscious desire to get caught and punished."
Remember that if your partner isn't cheating you, he doesn't have any reason to hide traces behind him. It doesn't give you the right to demand his phone, but his texting habits, body language, and sudden urge to always be with his phone are not a good sign.
Should you forgive or leave?
Adultery is something after which your relationship will never be the same again. Should you forgive him? Can your relationship get back to normal after cheating?
You can forgive your partner's infidelity in certain circumstances. But if you decide to rebuild your relationship after such a thing, it's essential to accept the fact that in that case, you'll have to change yourself also, not just your partner.
You should understand that, after infidelity, the old relationship is gone, and you have to create and an entirely new relationship with your partner.
Why is he cheating on you?
The question of "why" is not up to you. If things were going somewhat smoothly, yet he decided to stray, that's on him.
Though this question will haunt your nightmares, most of the time, men don't have a satisfying answer. If he did it merely because the other person was there, then he broke your relationship because he wasn't able to control his urges.
However, if there were feelings involved, you weren't meant to be. Don't waste your time by creating scenarios.
Instead, ask what you need and move on with or without him.
The act of betraying someone's trust is selfish, yet humans are not perfect. Though it might be a controversial thing to say, adultery isn't the worst thing one can do in a relationship.
The question "is he cheating" will follow you until you either learn the truth or your partnership takes drastic changes. But, if you're thinking about it, you're not in a healthy relationship.