It's natural to overlook your partner's flaws when you're in love, but it's important to be realistic about their behavior. While it's not a big deal if your partner has a few quirks or habits that you don't like, it's a different story if they are consistently selfish in the relationship. Here are some red flags to watch for if you think your partner might be selfish.
Signs Of A Selfish Boyfriend
1. He Talks About Himself So Much That He Never Gets Around To Asking About You
He never shows interest in your life or how you're feeling. Instead, he only talks about himself and becomes bored or disinterested when you try to share your own experiences. This lack of concern for your well-being is a clear sign of selfishness.
2. He Ignores Or Downplays Your Emotions
If he always tries to quickly resolve arguments or disagreements without addressing the underlying issue and often invalidates your feelings, he may be selfish. He may use various excuses, such as blaming you for overreacting or misunderstanding him, rather than taking responsibility for his own actions. This tendency to deflect blame and disregard your emotions is a strong indication of selfishness.
3. You're Always The First To Apologize
During arguments, you often find yourself apologizing first, even when it's not your fault, because you know that this is the only way to resolve the conflict. You may even apologize for things you didn't do in order to end the argument. Without this apology, the argument may continue for days or weeks, as your partner refuses to compromise or take any responsibility. This behavior suggests that your partner is selfish and unwilling to consider your perspective.
4. He'd Rather Hang Out By Himself/with His Bros Than With You
It's normal for an individual to want to spend some time alone or with their friends, but it's important for couples to make time for each other as well. If your partner consistently chooses to spend his free time alone or with his friends instead of with you, it could be a sign of selfishness. Additionally, if he becomes upset or has a negative attitude when you want to spend time with your own friends, this could also be a sign of selfish behavior. It's important to communicate and find a balance that works for both partners.
5. He Has To Be In Control Of Every Situation
Your partner is extremely controlling, dictating everything from where you go to dinner to who you spend time with. While he might claim that he is trying to take care of you, it is clear that his desire for control in the relationship is driven by his own selfish needs rather than a genuine concern for your well-being.
6. He Never Goes Out Of His Way For You
As a caring and thoughtful girlfriend, you go above and beyond to do nice things for your partner and make sure he is happy. However, your partner does not reciprocate this effort and has never made an effort to do something nice for you. In fact, he may not even realize that his lack of thoughtfulness is a problem, believing that he already treats you like a queen. It's important to communicate your needs and expectations in a relationship and make sure that both partners are putting in the effort to make each other happy.
7. He Has Ulterior Motives For The Nice Things He Does Actually Do For You
If your partner does surprise you with a gift, it is only in an attempt to reconcile after a disagreement or to avoid a confrontation. He does not give out of genuine thoughtfulness or a desire to make you happy. For example, on Valentine's Day, he may buy you flowers as a means of fulfilling a societal obligation or to avoid a negative reaction rather than out of genuine affection. This behavior suggests that your partner is more concerned with their own needs and desires than with making you happy.
8. He Wants You To Be There For Him But He Doesn't Return The Gesture
You are expected to provide emotional support for your partner, but he is not willing to do the same for you. He often dominates conversations, talking about his own problems and concerns, but becomes disinterested or unavailable when you try to share your own feelings. He may use various excuses, such as being tired or hungry, to avoid listening and supporting you emotionally. This one-sided dynamic is unhealthy and may indicate that your partner is selfish and not considerate of your needs.
9. He Doesn't Care If You Finish
In the bedroom, your partner prioritizes his own desires and expects you to fulfill them without considering your own needs. He may become annoyed or disinterested if you express a desire to try something different or if you are not satisfied. This lack of consideration and self-centered behavior extends beyond the relationship and into the physical aspect of your partnership. This type of selfish behavior can be damaging to the intimacy and overall health of the relationship.
10. He Doesn't Know The Meaning Of The Word "compromise"
In a healthy relationship, both partners are willing to compromise and make sacrifices for each other. However, your partner refuses to do so, refusing to consider your perspective or desires. He is inflexible and unwilling to make any compromises, no matter how much you plead or try to persuade him. This refusal to consider your needs or work towards a mutually beneficial solution is a clear sign of selfishness.
11. He Refers To Himself As "I" Instead Of "we"
As a couple, it is important to consider each other's thoughts, feelings, and well-being when making decisions and plans. However, a selfish partner will prioritize their own desires and needs above yours, disregarding the impact their actions may have on you. This behavior is unfair and can be damaging to the relationship.
How To Deal With A Selfish Boyfriend
If you recognize several of these behaviors in your partner, it is likely that they are selfish. While this is a difficult issue to address in a relationship, it is not necessarily a deal breaker. It is up to you to decide how to proceed, but here are some suggestions to consider.
1. Try To Understand Where He's Coming From
It is possible that your partner's past experiences have contributed to their selfish behavior. For example, they may have grown up with parents who overly catered to their needs, leading them to believe that the world revolves around them. Alternatively, they may have felt neglected or unfulfilled in their childhood, causing them to prioritize their own needs to an extreme degree. Understanding the root causes of their selfish behavior may help you address and mitigate it.
2. Confront Him About His Behavior And Don't Back Down
It is crucial that you communicate openly and honestly with your partner about the impact their selfish behavior is having on you and the relationship. They may not be aware of the harm they are causing, and bringing it to their attention may be enough to make them realize the error of their ways. On the other hand, if they are aware of their behavior, it is important to confront them and make it clear that you will not tolerate it. This honest and direct communication is key to addressing and resolving issues in a relationship.
3. Set Some Healthy Boundaries
It is important to establish and maintain healthy boundaries in any relationship for your own well-being and protection. Your partner should be aware of these boundaries and respect them. If your partner consistently ignores or violates your boundaries, it is necessary to communicate this and make it clear that you will not tolerate such behavior. A selfish partner who refuses to respect your boundaries is not acting in a healthy or considerate manner and may benefit from a wake-up call.
4. Work On Prioritizing And Loving Yourself.
If your partner consistently puts their own needs and desires above yours, it is important to prioritize your own well-being and self-care. Make sure to engage in activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul and do not neglect your own needs. It is easy to lose sight of your own identity and priorities when in a relationship, but it is crucial to maintain a sense of self and focus on your own well-being. As therapist Stefan Allen-Hickey advises, "It is easy to lose yourself and your individuality when you are in love with somebody. But it doesn't have to be that way." Do not sacrifice your own well-being in the pursuit of making your partner happy. It is important to practice self-care and prioritize your own needs in any relationship.
5. If He's Not Open To Changing, Walk Away
The decision to be receptive to your feedback and work on changing their selfish behaviors is entirely up to your partner. If they are unwilling to do so, you have the choice to leave the relationship and search for one that treats you with the love, care, and respect you deserve. "If your selfish partner is unable to make changes, it may be best to think about whether the relationship is really worth it. It's likely that the relationship is very one-sided, and it's unlikely to work out in the long run if your partner isn't putting in equal effort." According to clinical psychologist Dr. Carissa Coulston, "At the very least, you might want to take a short break from the relationship to see whether a little bit of distance can improve the situation or whether it confirms your desire to leave the relationship."
6. Vow To Never Allow Yourself To Deal With A Selfish Partner Again
It's important to be with someone who values your thoughts, feelings, needs, and desires just as much as their own. Being with someone who is self-centered and only cares about their own needs can be emotionally draining and not worth your time. It's important to be aware of any red flags in their behavior early on in the relationship to avoid wasting time on someone who is not a good match for you.
How To Recognize Selfish Guys Early On
There are certain behaviors that can be indicative of selfishness in a partner. Paying attention to these warning signs can help you avoid getting involved with someone who is likely to prioritize their own needs over yours in a relationship.
"He always wants to eat at his favorite places. He's oblivious to common courtesies like holding your chair while you're sitting, opening a door for you, or walking beside you, rather than in front of you. He talks about himself or his interests a lot, but rarely asks about your interests, job, family or dreams," says relationship coach Nancy Landrum. "If you have a disagreement, he gets nasty unless he gets his way. You ask to go to a concert for your birthday, but he chooses a ballgame instead because you don't really mind, do you? You invite him to meet your family, but he suddenly has other plans."
Red flags such as always wanting to eat at his favorite places, ignoring common courtesies, constantly talking about himself, and not considering your feelings or desires in decisions and disagreements are all indicators that he will prioritize himself in the relationship. If you see these signs in a potential partner, it is best to move on. You deserve someone who values your needs and desires and will make an effort to consider them. Continuing this relationship will not lead to a positive outcome, and you will be happier without this selfish partner.