It's common to want to avoid being the cause of a failed romance, but I tend to take it to an extreme level. When I'm dating someone, I constantly worry about making mistakes, which can lead to undesirable behavior that guys don't want in a partner. I understand that my fear of pushing my partners away is what ultimately leads to that outcome, but I'm unsure how to break free from this pattern.
1. I overanalyze everything
I tend to over-analyze everything when I'm dating someone - from the wording of a text to the use of emojis or even the number of times he coughs during dinner. Even if the guy explicitly tells me he's tired or unwell, I can't help but wonder if there's an underlying issue and blame myself irrationally.
2. I act like the person I think they want me to be instead of the person I am
My fear of people losing interest in me makes me alter my personality to match what I believe would interest them. Even though they may actually prefer the real me, I become anxious that they won't like me as I am and end up suppressing my true self. It's an awful feeling, but I can't seem to break out of this pattern even when I recognize it happening.
3. I apologize constantly
I tend to over-apologize, and even apologize for apologizing. Most of the time, the people I'm dating don't even notice my mistakes, but I obsess over them. I'm always afraid that even the smallest misstep might be enough to push them away. Although I know logically that constant apologies are irritating, emotionally, I can't help but blurt out "I'm sorry" even when it's unnecessary.
4. My self-esteem tanks
The better a guy is, the more inadequate I feel in comparison. Despite receiving affection from someone I'm dating, I can't help feeling unworthy of it. It's terrible because I should be grateful and appreciative, but instead, I undermine myself. Not only is it detrimental to my mental health, but it's also unappealing to a partner. I wish I could overcome this lack of confidence before it becomes too late.
5. I let things build up
I'm constantly afraid of upsetting my partners, so I tend to keep my concerns to myself when I should be open about them. However, as issues pile up, so does my frustration, leading to an emotional outburst. It's not a good look. Ideally, I should address problems as they arise, but my fear of being perceived as overly emotional or needy ironically causes me to come across as such.
6. I assume the worst
Whenever I see my partner active on social media after saying goodnight, my mind jumps to the conclusion that he's flirting with another girl or hates me. I never consider the possibility that he's merely scrolling through his feed before going to bed, and this is how I tend to react to every small thing when I'm in a relationship. My anxiety turns me into That Girl who struggles to trust even the most dependable individuals, and it always leads to issues in the end.
7. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells
When I'm not in a relationship, I speak my mind and act as I wish without caring about the consequences. However, things change when I'm dating someone. I become acutely conscious of everything I say and do, afraid that even the smallest mistake on my part could lead to a disastrous argument and destroy our relationship. Ironically, my fear of offending my partner is likely causing more harm than any minor mistake I could make, but my anxious mind won't allow me to relax.
8. I come across as completely insane
Being constantly paranoid isn't attractive. Even when everything is going well, I become an emotional wreck, constantly seeking reassurance that my partner still likes me and isn't upset with me for some unknown reason. Although this behavior may seem rational from my perspective, I'm aware that to him (and anyone else), it appears as though I'm going crazy.
9. I panic and overcompensate
I'm so afraid of ruining a good relationship that I overcompensate by constantly trying to please my partner. I prioritize their happiness over my own, in the hopes that they'll always be content with me and won't leave me if I make a mistake. But in doing so, I lose a part of myself, and the sad reality is that it's all unnecessary.
10. The better things are, the worst I get
I used to think that my behavior was limited to unhealthy relationships and almost-relationships, but it's the opposite. Perhaps because of my past experiences with terrible partners, my paranoia only intensifies when I'm with someone who genuinely treats me well. When things are good, the fear of losing everything becomes even more terrifying, and my anxiety levels skyrocket. At least when things are a bit unstable, I know that I won't be losing as much if it all comes to an end.