Funny

Insanely Hot & Funny Blonde Jokes

Insanely Hot & Funny Blonde Jokes
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Being Blonde means you have the pressure of living up to the old saying, "Blondes Have More Fun," but if you're blonde like me, you also have to endure the endless barrage of "Blonde" jokes that we hear on the daily.

Heck, I make jokes about my "Blonde" moments all the time myself, so I never take offense to them, and hopefully, if you're a blonde, you can also. If you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at? The Ginger jokes, maybe? Just Kidding. No Wait... LOL!!

The Mexico Trip

Insanely Hot & Funny Blonde Jokes

Three women go down to Mexico one night, get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

The first one, a redhead, is strapped to the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words.

She says, "I am from Grace University and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on behalf of the innocent," They throw the switch, and nothing happens.

They all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.

The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words, "I am from the Creighton School of Law, and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent."

They throw the switch, and again, nothing happens.

Again, they all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.

The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm from the University of Alabama, Huntsville, and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell you right now, you ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in."

Magic Mirror

Insanely Hot & Funny Blonde Jokes

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde went to a fitness spa for fun and relaxation. After a stimulating healthy lunch, all three decided to visit the ladies' room and found a strange-looking woman sitting at the entrance who said, "Welcome to the ladies' room. Be sure to check out our newest feature: a mirror which, if you look into it and say something truthful, you will be awarded a wish. But, be warned, for if you say something false, you will be sucked into the mirror to live in a void of nothingness for all eternity!"

The three women quickly entered, and upon finding the mirror, the brunette said, "I think I'm the most beautiful of us three." In an instant, she was surrounded by a pile of money.

The redhead stepped up and said, "I think I'm the most talented of us three." She suddenly found the key to a brand new Porsche in her hands.

Excited over the possibility of having a wish come true, the blonde looked into the mirror and said, "I think..." and was promptly sucked into the mirror.

Cold Balls

Insanely Hot & Funny Blonde Jokes

Three blondes are talking about their boyfriends.

"It's funny," says Samantha, "Peter's balls are always cold as ice when I'm giving him a blowjob!"

"You know what?" replies Jenny, "It's exactly the same with my Richard!"

They turn to the third blonde and ask: "When you blow Chris, are his balls cold, also?"

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"Ugh! That's disgusting! I never put his thing in my mouth!"

"You're crazy," one of the blondes pipes up. "A good blowjob is the best way to keep a guy! You should try it!"

She says she'll think about it.

The following day, they meet at the cafe, and the blowjob novice is sporting a wicked shiner.

"Whoa!" the first blonde asks, "How did you get that black eye?!"

"Chris hit me when I was blowing him," she said.

"What on earth for?!" the second blonde asks.

"I don't know," she replies. "All I did was tell him how strange it was that his balls were so warm, seeing as Pete and Richard's are so cold!"

Blonde Got Game

Insanely Hot & Funny Blonde Jokes

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks the blonde if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, who is tired, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don`t know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don`t know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and if I don`t know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What`s the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

"Okay," the lawyer continues, "your turn."

She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, but he can`t find an answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress, but he still has no answer. Frustrated, he e-mails all his friends and coworkers, which turns out to be to no avail.

After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.00.

The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

Blind Man in a Bar

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Insanely Hot & Funny Blonde Jokes

A blind man enters a bar and finds his way to a barstool.

After ordering a drink and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately becomes quiet.

In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde, and I'm a 6′ tall, 200-pound blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the fella sitting next to me is blonde, and he's a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde, and she's a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that blonde joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Finnish Her

Insanely Hot & Funny Blonde Jokes

An Italian guy is out picking up chicks in Roma.

While at his favorite bar, he manages to attract one rather attractive-looking blonde.

So they're back at his place, and sure enough, they go at it. After a long while…

He climaxes loudly.

Then he rolls over, lights up a cigarette, and asks her, "So…. you finish?" After a slight pause.

She replies, "No."

Surprised but pleasantly, he puts out his cigarette, rolls back on top of her, and has his way with her again, this time lasting even longer than the first… and this time completing the deed with even louder shouts.

Again he rolls over, lights a cigarette, and asks, "So…. you finish?"

And again, after a short pause, she simply says, "No."

Stunned but still acting reflexively on his macho pride, he once again puts out the cigarette and mounts his companion du jour.

This time, with all the strength he could muster up, he barely manages to end the task, but he does after quite some time and energy is spent.

Barely able to roll over, he reaches for his cigarette … lights it again, and then asks tiredly, "So… you finish?"

"No, I'm Swedish"

Tha NASA Experiment

Insanely Hot & Funny Blonde Jokes

A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets.

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First, they called the brunette in and asked her a question.

"If you could go to any planet, what planet would you want to go to and why?"

After pondering the question, she answered, "I would like to go to Mars because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra terrestrial life on the planet."

They said, "well, okay, thank you." And told her that they would get back to her.

Next, the redhead entered the room, and the NASA people asked her the same question. In reply, "I would like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings." Again, "thank you," and they would get back to her.

Finally, the blond entered the room and asked her the same question they asked the brunette and the redhead.

She thought for a while and replied, "I would like to go to the sun."

The people from NASA replied, "why, don't you know that if you went to the sun, you would burn to death?"

The blond smirked and put her hands on her hips. "Are you guys dumb? I'd go at night!"

The Execution

Insanely Hot & Funny Blonde Jokes

Three women are about to be executed for crimes.

One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.

Two guards bring the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!"

Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.

The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The redhead then screams, "tornado!!"

Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around.

She, too, escapes execution.

By this point, the blonde has figured out what the others did.

The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready... Aim..."

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The blonde shouts, "fire!!"

Message to Mom

Insanely Hot & Funny Blonde Jokes

A blonde goes into a worldwide message center to send a message to her mother in Poland. The man tells her it will be $300. She exclaims, "I don't have any money, but I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland!!!"

To that, the man asks, "Anything??"

And the blonde says, "Yes, anything!!"

With that, the man says, "Follow me." He walks into the next room and tells her, "Come in and close the door."

She does. He then says, "Get on your knees."

She does. He then says, "Take down my zipper."

She does. He then says, "Go ahead, take it out."

With that, she takes it out and takes hold of it with both hands. The man then says, "Well, go ahead!" She brings her mouth closer to it, and while holding it close to her lips, she says, "Hello...Mom?"

The Mystery Blob

Insanely Hot & Funny Blonde Jokes

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde, all head home from work at the same time and get on the elevator. The brunette notices a blob on the elevator wall and says, " OOOOOhhh, that looks like semen." She reaches out and touches the blob with her fingers and says, "It feels like semen."

The redhead then reaches out, touches it with her fingers, smells it, and says, "It smells like semen."

The blonde reaches out and touches it with her fingers, puts her fingers in her mouth and tastes it, and says, "It sure doesn't taste like anyone in THIS building."

The Blonde Waitress

Insanely Hot & Funny Blonde Jokes

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights, and a pair of running boards."

The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights, and a pair of running Boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?"

"No," the cook said, "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are two slices of crisp bacon."

"Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?"

She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights, and running boards, you might as well gas up!"