I'm done chasing after people who don't deserve me. Instead, I'm learning to focus on myself.
So often, I experience a scary feeling when someone shows some interest in me. I transform into a different person. Someone I'm not.
I lose myself trying to please and obtain approval from the person interested in me. In the end, I end up settling for less than I deserve.
My mind will then revolve around winning the heart of this new person. I beg to spend time with them even when it's inappropriate instead of focusing on my goals.
Sometimes I'll start guessing how this new person thinks about me. I'll worry about things that aren't even there. My mind will start imagining the worst happening to me. Does he love me? Will he leave me someday?
At that moment, my mind will tease me and become my greatest enemy. It'll taunt me, showing that perhaps I'm not good enough.
But I now realize that all I have is myself. I'm learning it's worthless trying to fill the emptiness in my life with someone else's presence. It's much better to make myself happy first.
It's better to fill my life with positivity, faith, and light instead of depending on someone's validation. Others will only hold me down.
I know I'm an authentic person, capable of enjoying life without chasing fake and temporary joy from another person. It's better to center myself with those people who already love me.
My current life has taught me that my perfect partner will come along when the time is right. I don't have to chase after them because I will end up meeting them regardless.
So, I don't need to waste my time or energy trying to fix meaningless and toxic relationships. They aren't meant for me.
I've learned that if someone doesn't have any feelings for me when we first meet, I'm not going to try and force them to love me. They'll only pretend for a while. Though it has been a painful lesson, it has helped me save my precious time on people who aren't worthy of me.
And since I don't have to chase after my true soulmate, they will want to commit to me as much as I do to them to ensure our relationship thrives and succeeds.
We will combine our efforts for the benefit of both of us and not just for one person. They won't just think of themselves but also me. Because I'm a blessing to them as they are to me, and they will consider me a priority instead of an option.
I'm slowly learning being single is better and more fulfilling than committing my heart to someone who isn't right for me.
Although staying single isn't easy, I still dream of finding my soulmate soon. That day is coming, and I'll love with my whole heart and everything in me. And my affection will be reciprocated.
I still desire to have someone to hold me close, to cheer me up, and to comfort me during my sad days. I believe the universe will bring me the right person at the right time.
Until I meet the right partner, I'm not committing to anything less. I'll follow my instincts and not commit to someone who does nothing to keep me. I won't compromise myself to accommodate somebody who's not sure of me.
Even though these aren't my good days, I've myself, my faith, and my loved ones to carry me through. I'll cherish myself and strive to find the best version of myself. I'm not going to chase after love again.