Whoever came up with the expression "Good Morning" clearly never had any idea what mornings really feel like.
Some people hate Mondays. Others, like yours truly, are simply not morning persons. It's not that I like to sleep in, far from it, but the whole idea that you should have a big smile on your face before you even know what's your name is appalling.
So, apart from that whole "rise and" shine ideology, which must be some kind of a cult, here's the rest of my everyday struggles. And if you're anything like me, we should start a support group to give future generations a chance not to deal with morning people before coffee.
The alarm gives me the creeps
I can go to sleep at 8 pm, and the thought of getting up at 8 am still feels unnatural. Not because I need all that beauty sleep, but because the alarm is on, and I know I'll feel like crap.
To make matters worse, the whole idea of an alarm clock is disturbing. It's simple: if I have to set my alarm, I'll barely fall asleep because it makes me anxious.
You get the idea: we need some updated form of an alarm, but I shouldn't be the one dealing with it. Hello, technology, can't you just read my mind?
Rise and … Oh, forget it!
Please do not talk to me. Do not ask me what's wrong or why I am so grumpy. I am not. I don't like the idea of mornings. It's depressing, I can't find matching socks, there's never enough time to stare at nothing, and my hair always looks like a mess.
I am hungry but can't eat, and I need coffee, but not before I take a shower, get dressed, and try to do my makeup. Then, the horror comes to life: I see my reflection while struggling with concealer, and I now know: mornings should be canceled.
Getting to work
On the surface, I am calm, collected, and puffy in the eye area. But inside I'm screaming: "Shut up! Shut Up and shut up some more…" Why are people so talkative in the mornings? You're in public transportation, and your life sucks. It's too early to gossip…
Now it's time to stare at that big, bad building I go to because I like money. Crap. You know that I will have to say "Good Morning" to at least 20 people, and I am not happy about it.
Naturally, I always look like the grinch who stole mornings, so everyone's like: "Oh, someone had an exciting night, wink wink!" Nope, that's my face, thank you very much.
Where's my youth?
My mom is one of the most energized people on this planet, especially in the morning. Am I jealous? Yes!
It's humiliating when you know you're acting like a rebellious teenager, but it's the same thing every morning. I can't help it, yet I can't embrace it. And it's been this way ever since I can remember.
The simple truth is that I will never feel rested and fresh. And every morning feels like a kick in the gut. Is that pathetic? My 60-year-old mom is full of life, while I've been dying in the mornings, since forever.
Think, people, think. Can't we go to sleep and skip all the morning stuff? Not skip them, simply delete them from our memories?
I am not a morning person; I will never be one, so my only hope is that science will provide me relief to wake up and feel as lively as if I woke up three hours ago!