I used to be the kind of woman who would take the initiative and ask a guy out if he didn't make a move, and I was tired of waiting around. Although this approach may have made me feel independent and in control of my romantic fate, it came at a cost that I am no longer willing to bear. Therefore, I have decided to stop making the first move, and here's why:
1. I never knew if the guy really liked me
There was always a nagging concern in the back of my mind that perhaps the guy I had just made a move on wasn't genuinely interested in me. After all, wouldn't he have made a move first if he was truly interested?
2. I killed the chase
In the past, I used to dismiss it when women said that they preferred to wait for the guy to make the first move. However, I've come to realize that there are clear advantages to this approach. Guys enjoy the pursuit, no question about it. By making the first move, I revealed my interest too soon and completely undermined their love of the game.
3. I felt it was up to me to move things forward
One of the issues with initiating the first move was that I often felt like I was the one guiding the guy through the uncertain waters of dating. This dynamic could also lead to some guys becoming complacent. After all, why should they put in any effort or maintain the momentum when I had already demonstrated that I was willing to do all the heavy lifting in the relationship?
4. An ego stroke does not a relationship make
I was interested in a guy and took the initiative to call him up and ask him out on a date. He agreed and seemed very flattered by my interest in him. However, by the third date, he gave me the dreaded "I'm not looking for anything serious" talk. It turned out that he was simply amused by the fact that someone was interested in him, but he didn't actually want to pursue a relationship with me. That was a painful realization.
5. The guys had a 'get out of romance free' card
When I used to ask a guy out, I did so with the genuine intention of pursuing a relationship with him. Unfortunately, some guys saw it as an opportunity to try their luck and push for a casual fling or one-night stand. It was disappointing, to say the least. I would have preferred if they had been upfront about not wanting anything serious from the beginning.
6. I felt desperate, even though I wasn't
Even when I tried to ask for a guy's number in a playful and non-threatening way, I couldn't shake the feeling that he might perceive me as too aggressive or desperate. This negative stereotype seems to persist, and I eventually grew weary of having to deal with it.
7. I messed with the guy's plan
By making the first move, I derailed the guy's potential course of action. I would never know if he would have continued to flirt with me or asked me out officially if I hadn't taken the lead. Was he only physically attracted to me, or did he genuinely want a real relationship? If he did want something more, he would have eventually made a move. However, I could never be pleasantly surprised by his original intentions because I had disrupted the natural anticipation with my impulsive behavior.
8. It revealed a nasty truth about a male friend
Expressing my feelings to a guy always left me feeling vulnerable, regardless of how much I tried to protect myself or act nonchalantly. When it came to male friends, the stakes were even higher. One New Year's Eve, I asked out one of my closest guy friends, and things between us were never the same afterward. It wasn't just the awkwardness that ensued, but the fact that the situation revealed his true character--and it wasn't a pleasant one. He started distancing himself from me, and I not only missed the chance to date him but also lost what I had thought was a best friend.