Most of us desire to assist our loved ones during challenging times. However, who purposely seeks out such relationships? Surprisingly, I did. Despite that, it's not a sustainable approach, and I'm discovering how to break that cycle. Here's why it's impractical and the steps I'm taking to move away from it.
1. I've always loved nurturing people
Whether it's a maternal instinct or simply a craving for affection, I derive immense pleasure from providing comfort and care to others. It doesn't matter if it's my friends, romantic partners, or even strangers; I relish the chance to give and will seize any opportunity to do so.
2. Somehow I keep being attracted to guys who need some kind of help
I've noticed a recurring trend in my romantic life. Lately, it seems like I'm drawn to and attract men who are experiencing some kind of distress, whether it's related to their mental health or financial situation. Somehow, I give off a signal that I'm available to help, which seems to attract these individuals to me.
3. I find myself becoming empathetic to these dudes
Whenever I encounter one of these men, my natural empathy compels me to extend support, solace, and compassion. I frequently find myself going beyond what is reasonable, such as providing loans or assuming the role of a therapist. At times, my desire to assist overrides my own good sense.
4. Part of any relationship is giving support
Let me be clear: I believe that mutual support is a vital component of any relationship. The operative word here is mutual. If you or your partner is struggling, it's natural to provide assistance. However, when the support is one-sided and disproportionate, it can create issues, which is precisely what's happening to me.
5. It's turning into a bit of a drag
Although I adore providing support, it eventually becomes tedious. A relationship that revolves solely around taking care of someone else's needs isn't a genuine partnership; it's a dependency. If there isn't an equitable distribution of responsibilities, and if we're not capable of caring for ourselves, significant issues will arise.
6. Sometimes it's way too much
There's a limit to what one person can give, and when I approach that threshold, I realize that it's unsustainable. This is especially true in the case of men I've recently met, where our "relationship" feels more like a sequence of calls for help. There have been instances when I've depleted all my empathy and felt completely drained as a result. This can't be what a healthy relationship entails, can it?
7. It must be a subconscious thing
Like many unexplainable but recurrent patterns, it likely originates in my subconscious. For some reason, I associate finding what I'm seeking in a relationship with a man who's incapable of self-care. Perhaps it's time to delve into those daddy issues and investigate further.
8. Does the term 'savior complex' ring any bells?
The phrase "savior complex" describes an impulse or emotional necessity to rescue others, particularly those in dire circumstances or mental states. As I delve further into this recurring behavior, I comprehend that it's a way to win love by providing salvation. That sounds alarmingly unhealthy and not something I want to continue doing. Surely, there must be a different approach!
9. I've experienced enough healthy relationships to know this isn't right
Although it may appear that I'm only drawn to energy-drainers, that isn't accurate. At present, I'm in a fantastic open relationship, which serves as an excellent model for demonstrating what loving, mutual support entails. This serves as a reference point, making it clear to me that getting involved with men who take more than they provide is incredibly unhealthy.
10. Getting out of this pattern is an exercise in self-respect
As with many things, the solution is self-love and self-respect. It's possible to offer love, nurturing, and comfort without it being dependent on my value. By acknowledging these patterns and giving myself the love I deserve, I'm gradually distancing myself from these men in need and prioritizing my own needs for a change.