Having friends is such a riot, isn’t it? When a truly good, caring friend comes along that you know you can trust, there’s no better feeling.

One of my pet peeves though, is people who get fussy about swearing. I appreciate it in concept – some people grew up in a much more conservative household than I did and that’s fine. However, I hate it when that rules court and affects all my other group relationships. Not to be that dodgy old white guy shouting about freedom of speech, but hey! Freedom of speech!

Anyway, I think swearing is a sign of honesty – even in a slightly less traditional form. You know those groups of like 8 friends who have been together forever, yet never seem to have argued? That’s always suspicious to me, to be honest. I argue with my close friends and family all the time, all day – every day. If I had to bottle that up for years and year – all that drama with all those people – I couldn’t cope. I’d explode!

They just don’t care that much about each other. Simple as.

Also, surely friends are the very people that you need to be honest with, no bars held. No barriers. More still, it’s a shame that these relationships are such a farce. If you haven’t had a shouting match with your nearest and dearest that ends with a good old fashioned ‘f-you’, then you’re not friends. I mean, don’t take that as an excuse to go haywire on all your friends, of course, but think about it.

I think the marker of a close friend is that you’re afraid to disappoint them or shout at them or properly express yourself without fear of losing their friendship. That’s the real hotspot.

I actually find that work friends are more relevant to this ‘curse test’ of friendship. Often, they have their own degree of intimacy – forged between shift switchovers and outrageous customers – where you can’t help but curse everyone and each other out in your brief time together. Time isn’t often an accurate marker of intimacy and honesty. The friends that curse at you and are brutally honest care more about you and are better friends.

They aren’t pretending to be nicer or more polite than anyone else.

They only have your interests at heart. Yes, you probably have known your primary school best friend for 15 years more than you’ve known your new neighbour, but hell if you haven’t kept it PG-13 for the former, and dived straight into the soul-searching conversation of the shop floor.

Some friends will let you waft through life and make mistakes that would have been prevented if they had been honest with you. Yes, our mistakes are our own, and we have to take responsibility for that, but other people have duties to help the people around them. If you let people make mistakes, you don’t care about them and you’re a bad friend.

It’s 2020, guys – don’t be that friend. You’re better than that, and you deserve better. It’s easier to be quiet and a ‘yesman’ but it’s in everyone’s interest to be honest and swear at them if you need to.

We will all be better for your cursing, pals.