Perhaps you believe that your scars, past pain, and fractured pieces make you undeserving of love. You may feel apprehensive that your history renders you unlovable and incapable of experiencing a healthy relationship. However, this is a falsehood. You are never too damaged to be cherished, and this applies to you above all.
1. No matter what the voices say, you're good enough
It appears that a ceaseless chorus of negative voices echoes in the back of your mind, constantly demeaning you and leading you to shut down or self-destruct in relationships. While these voices may persist, you can learn to lessen their impact and substitute them with affirming thoughts that acknowledge your worth. Remember, you are more than enough.
2. This very belief is holding you back from finding someone who can love you
Cindy Anneh's words ring true: "If you continue to neglect self-love, the universe will continue to send you individuals who also evade loving you, in the hope that you will catch on." The same negative voices that suggest your inadequacy are the ones determining your destiny, unless you intervene. The conviction that you are unworthy of love is hindering you from discovering someone who can love you in the way that you need and deserve.
3. Your scars are warrior paint, showing the world your strength
As an anonymous author once stated, "A scar merely means you were stronger than whatever attempted to harm you." Scars are the marks of a fighter, not of someone who is feeble. They signify that you have endured. Regardless of whether your scars are physical or symbolic, they are a testament to your fortitude and resilience.
4. Your cracks are the very parts of you that give you a chance to heal
Leonard Cohen's lyrics in "Anthem" contain a powerful message: "There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in." Consider those flowers that bloom through concrete. That's who you are. You are such a fierce warrior that light found its way to you through a tiny crack in the concrete, and you are now breaking through the surface. Refrain from comparing your progress to those around you, as they have not experienced what you have endured.
5. Your mistakes don't make you flawed, they make you human
Your history may be filled with situations and actions that you regret, whether or not they were self-imposed. Regardless, here's something important to remember: you are still a worthy and lovable individual. Your mistakes do not define you as broken or defective, but rather as someone who, like everyone else, sometimes stumbles along the way. A man who is deserving of your attention will appreciate all aspects of who you are, including the flawed and imperfect parts.
6. Let your girlfriends love you until you learn to love yourself
Perhaps the idea of self-acceptance feels like an insurmountable task at this moment. Self-love may seem like an impossible goal. Take comfort, and do not fret. Seek the company of a group of influential and supportive women who will cherish you. They will help you learn to love yourself, and they will remind you during challenging times that you are deserving of love.
7. Shame is something that was done to you; it is not yours to hold
It's possible that the shame and remorse you carry with you are the product of a traumatic childhood. Here's a little secret: shame is something that is inflicted upon you. It stems from external sources and is frequently a result of trauma, abuse, and/or neglect. So, the notion that you are inherently flawed and undeserving of love was imposed upon you. This was not your fault, but it is now within your power to alter the negative self-talk in your head. Releasing yourself from shame is a lengthy and challenging process, but it is ultimately worthwhile.
8. Your past makes you the perfect person to help the next girl in your shoes
At whatever stage you find yourself on your path, it may be reassuring to know that you have the potential to serve as a strong role model for the next person in your position. As you progress towards recovery and begin to construct a foundation of self-love, you will be able to provide invaluable guidance to another person who feels shattered. Because you have been in their position, your counsel will be much more meaningful to them.
9. You can never hear that you're lovable and worthy enough, and that's okay
Experiencing a sense of being irreparably broken and unlovable can have a long-term effect on you. Even though you can undoubtedly recover and reassemble the pieces, it may feel like something is absent indefinitely. You will learn to live with this discomfort. It might entail needing frequent reminders of your worth and lovability in relationships and friendships. This is acceptable. I'm not suggesting that it's healthy to be entirely reliant on others, but it's perfectly acceptable to have a certain level of dependence. We require people, and there is no shame in that.
10. You deserve to heal
Individuals, particularly those who experienced childhood trauma, might experience guilt when they begin to feel better. They may believe that they don't deserve to heal after enduring such a horrendous experience. This could be a form of survivor's guilt. However, it's important to know that you deserve to heal without any conditions. Nothing makes you less deserving of healing. Allow yourself to receive this gift.