It's becoming increasingly common to check on your boyfriend's phone, but I want to offer a different perspective and say that this behavior is concerning. If you feel the need to have access to his passwords and read his messages when he's not around, it's a significant warning sign. To assess whether this behavior indicates a more significant problem, ask yourself the following questions.
1. Is your relationship healthy?
To be completely truthful with yourself, is your relationship with your boyfriend a healthy one? Are you both giving and receiving love and loyalty? If you feel paranoid about his phone and actions, there may be unresolved issues that need addressing, either within yourself or as a couple. Don't ignore these issues; acknowledge and work on them together.
2. Has he ever cheated?
Does this guy have a history? If he's cheated on you or someone else in the past, it's understandable to have trust issues. Your urge to check his phone may stem from a belief that he hasn't changed. Alternatively, you may be having difficulty letting go of the past and giving him a chance to make things right.
3. Is he acting shady or are you?
Regardless of his past, is he currently faithful to you? If he loves you unconditionally and is transparent with you, there is no reason to be concerned about what happens when you're not around. However, if he's behaving suspiciously and doesn't consistently demonstrate his commitment to you, that is cause for concern.
4. Has he given you a reason not to trust him?
If your partner is being faithful, why aren't you trusting him? A healthy relationship should not feel like a battleground full of trust issues. When you're in a healthy relationship, things should feel straightforward. You should be able to allow him to go places, talk to people, and live his life without questioning his trustworthiness.
5. Are you worried about other girls that aren't you?
Be honest with yourself. It's natural to imagine the worst-case scenario when you see a photo of a pretty girl with your guy, but you can't always trust your emotions. Do you have a valid reason to be concerned about that girl, or are your insecurities getting the best of you? Remember, if a guy is truly committed to you, he's committed to only you. Keep this in mind.
6. Do you respect his privacy?
I understand that no girl wants to be labeled as "crazy," but there's a limit to being in control of all your partner's relationships and friendships. It can become invasive and uncomfortable. Keep in mind that your partner is an individual and doesn't have to answer to you regarding his whereabouts or who he speaks to. If the roles were reversed, you might consider his behavior as controlling. If you feel the urge to do this, it's important to question why you're feeling this way.
7. Does he respect YOU?
Although your partner has the right to his own life and privacy, you also have the right to respect. If he is intentionally hiding things from you or disregarding your relationship, don't tolerate it. At this point, is it really worth snooping through his messages? Save yourself the trouble and end the relationship. Use your energy for something more productive instead of wasting it on a guy who isn't worth it.
8. Could you be overreacting?
If you have no reason to suspect that your partner is being dishonest, you should consider the possibility that you may be overreacting. As women, we often show our emotions, and our biggest weakness can be taking them too far. Sometimes, we get too caught up in our own thoughts, getting ourselves worked up over something that wasn't worth thinking about. If this is the case, take a deep breath and try to calm your mind.
9. Is your gut trying to tell you something?
Although women may overreact at times, they are also incredibly intuitive and perceptive. If you are certain that you are not just overreacting to something your partner said or did, perhaps your intuition is trying to tell you that something is wrong. If you have a gut feeling that things aren't adding up, trust your instincts and end the relationship. Always try to approach the situation logically, but if that fails, your intuition is usually right.
10. If you're worrying so much, have you considered maybe you're in the wrong relationship?
Ultimately, you shouldn't have to worry about your relationship no matter the reason for your insecurity. If your partner genuinely loves you and is someone you should be with, he will show it to you. You won't be concerned about his female co-worker or childhood friend, and you'll be okay with him hanging out with his buddies. Healthy relationships shouldn't be high maintenance.