How-To

If You Suck At Flirting, Here Are Some Tips To Help You Up Your Game

I'm not an authority on flirting, and if you were a spectator during any of my cringe-worthy attempts at flirting, you'd likely find it amusing. Nonetheless, I've gained some insights over the years as I've attempted to charm guys by being suave, composed, alluring, witty, smart, and a variety of other descriptors. With that said, I'll now offer my potentially useful but decidedly unqualified guidance.

1. MAKE THE FIRST MOVE

Although it may seem challenging, approaching someone you're interested in can be simpler than you imagine once you actually attempt it. The likelihood is that the man you're gazing at across the bar is just as nervous as you are about initiating conversation. Remember this and boldly saunter up to the vacant barstool next to him. Your courage will be the envy of any other women who are too hesitant to speak to the handsome man you've got your sights on, and the man himself will appreciate it. And if you're still feeling apprehensive, why not try picturing him naked? That always helps, doesn't it?

2. BE YOUR DAMN SELF

I realize you've probably heard this before, but it's true! If you're already a confident, charismatic individual, that's fantastic - I could use some pointers from you. However, if you're not, there's no need to put on a fa├žade. The person you're conversing with will probably see through it right away. And even if they don't, they'll eventually realize that the woman they were interested in is merely a character you created. Trust me, the real you is far more fascinating and valuable than the imaginary version you've concocted in your mind.

3. ASK QUESTIONS

If you're feeling anxious, take the pressure off yourself by inquiring about his hobbies and interests. Avoid bombarding him with a rapid-fire series of questions, as that can be overwhelming for you and intimidating for him. Instead, ask about his interests and find common ground to contribute to the discussion. You can then inquire about his favorite childhood pet, movie, or opinions on Area 51, for instance. This approach makes him feel heard and appreciated while also providing an enjoyable conversation for both of you. After all, who doesn't enjoy discussing extraterrestrial life? It's a win-win situation.

4. KEEP EYE CONTACT BUT DON'T BE WEIRD ABOUT IT

There are times when I get extremely nervous (or when I'm talking to a breathtakingly attractive man) that I catch myself avoiding eye contact. On other occasions, I become so fascinated by someone that I can't help but stare deeply into their eyes for an extended period without blinking. Neither of these scenarios is ideal, trust me. However, making eye contact can be an effective and enjoyable technique in flirting. I've learned from Tyra Banks (and I've learned a great deal) about the power of "smizing."

5. TALK ABOUT SOMETHING YOU'RE PASSIONATE ABOUT

Everyone appears more attractive when discussing their interests. Their faces light up, their eyes widen with excitement, and they can't help but smile broadly. Additionally, discussing your passion provides a wealth of conversation topics to draw upon. If you're anything like me, you could talk about your passion all night long without taking a breath. While I wouldn't advise monopolizing the conversation, filling the silence with your love of cheesy B-horror films is an excellent option. By the end of the date, you'll feel like old friends (who are eager to share a kiss).

6. USE YOUR NERVES TO YOUR ADVANTAGE

You're a human being, aren't you? I thought so. That implies you experience nervousness. During my most recent first date, I was a bundle of nerves. The guy I was meeting stated the first words out of his mouth, "Ugh, I'm so nervous." It was charming, relatable, and he's now my boyfriend. Be open about your nervousness. It's entirely natural, and your candor will be charming.

7. LAUGH (BUT ONLY IF HE'S FUNNY)

If he isn't funny, don't force yourself to laugh. Yes, you want to make him feel at ease and believe that you're cool, but if you end up dating, he'll keep telling that one joke repeatedly because you laughed so hard on the first date. Ugh! Alternatively, if he says something that you find genuinely funny, laugh as much as you want. Don't hold back your pleasure because you're afraid of appearing too keen. If he can't accept your distinctive snort-laugh, then he's not worth your time.

8. SEE THE SIGNS

Sometimes, it's tough to accept, but the truth might be that he's just not that into you. It's unfortunate, but there's no point in trying to convince him otherwise. You'd be better off focusing your attention on guys who appreciate you and all your charms. So if you get the sense that he's not reciprocating your interest, don't waste your time and energy. Keep your head up and move on to the next prospect. Remember, the world is full of possibilities, and there's someone out there who will appreciate your smize.

9. KNOW YOUR WORTH

Your worth doesn't decrease upon meeting an attractive guy. You're amazing too and shouldn't waste time beating around the bush. Confidence is attractive, so tell him you're interested, give him your number, and go live your life. If he calls, great. If not, there's more flirting to be done. Soon, you'll be the one giving tips.