There are a few unassailable truths on this green earth of ours. Some inevitabilities of civilization. Police. Taxes. 'It's complicated' status updates on Facebook.
One of these things is not like the other. Although we hear about it all the time, there are ways of making love work! Shocking, I know! But in reality, don't believe the romcoms with their rose-tinted view of things, or indeed, the hard-hitting psychodramas which always end tragically.
The world operates somewhere in the middle of those two extremes. Don't listen to your cynical and jaded uncle at family gatherings who insists that love is a sham and relationships are impossible. Of course, that's not true!
The golden rule of maintaining a great relationship, however, is fittingly obvious.
I know, right. It should not have to be said in this, the year 2020, but here we are. Just in case anyone didn't realize that not telling your partner that you have been cripplingly depressed for three weeks is a healthy coping mechanism.
Don't use emotional unavailability as an excuse anymore. If you love her, make damn sure you tell her. No person in a relationship should have to constantly decode messages or signs. The relationship isn't something that you can 'win'.
You can't play hard to get anymore, it's just not worth anyone's time. Make sure that you constantly stay on top of your emotions by expressing them to your loved ones.
If they doubt that you love them, what reason do they have to stay with you? None, if you aren't giving them any. No matter how much someone loves you, no one is a mind reader.
Nor Should They Be.
We all want to feel loved and validated and desirable sometimes. That's just human. The pack mentality. It shows that you notice the small things and the big things.
Don't be the stereotypical Dad in the sitcoms where he lays about on the sofa with a gorgeous wife that he neither respects nor seems to care about. Don't take people for granted.
If you don't compromise and remind them that they're loved, or reciprocate gestures of affection, how can you expect the relationship to last? Answer: it won't. Simple as.
There won't be a perfect time for a dramatic emotional declaration in the crowded train station. You have to find the balance between stepping out of your comfort zone but also knowing your person.
Don't do anything that would embarrass them, but make sure you can surprise them with a fun way of expressing that you love them. Don't slap them in the face with your love, but a mixtape and chocolate for the hell of it goes a long way.
Particularly if they're stressed and you can show that you are listening and that you care. This ensures that you are remaining intimate and vulnerable. The spark in the relationship can never go out if you keep communicating productively.
As Soon As You Love Her There Should Be No Doubt Of How You Feel.
When it hits you will want to scream it to the world. Declare your undying love for her in whatever form most makes sense.
A card with flowers? The tried and tested version always works if in doubt. Or, just blurt it out when she least expects it. Either way, if you know, she needs to know. She needs to be damn sure that you are mature and committed enough for her to think about the long term.
If you don't ever express your emotions you will wake up one day to find her gone. Don't let life pass you by, take control of it and love who you want to.
It makes everything so much easier in the relationship, there's no more insecurity or confusion.
One More Time, For The Guys At The Back:
If you love her, make damn sure you tell her!