Everything was going great until you were dropped like a hot potato, without warning, rhyme or reason.

No one told you that this was going to happen, but the texts that used to be responded to in an instant, now go hours or days without response, and then at some point communication completely stops.

I’ve been, you’ve been there, and if we’re being honest with ourselves – there’s a good chance we’ve been on the other side of the coin as well. It’s not something I’m proud of and I’ve learnt my lesson (honestly ghosting feels almost as bad as being ghosted), but I was young and too awkward to adult properly. Let me assure you all, I’ve learnt my lesson.

Apart from wanting to atone for my sins, let’s use the younger me as an example of what’s probably going on and why you should just give up the ghosting fight:

1. They don’t like you enough

This is just the undeniable truth. The few people I ghosted in my young and immature days I simply didn’t like enough for a relationship but I did like as a person. I met some truly lovely guys, but didn’t feel that connection and didn’t know how to tell them that without hurting their feelings. I’m sure I did hurt their feelings – this is no advertisement for ghosting! 

There’s a good chance this is what’s happening here – you’re lovely and nice, but they just don’t feel it and they don’t know how to say it.

2. They’re not mature enough

Which leads us directly to point two. Really anyone who can’t even front up to say that they’re not interested or they have other things going on and so you’re not a priority is not worth your time! You deserve someone who is at least mature enough to be honest with you.

3. You deserve better

And continuing on – do you really want to be with this person anyway? Whenever I’ve been ghosted I like to do a kind of mental experiment. Say I run into “Ghoster” in the streets. What am I going to feel? Happy to see him? Nah, it’s going to be awkward and the whole time I’m just going to be thinking – this guy? I think we can say that after being ghosted the gig’s up.

So, now we’ve established the very real fact that you don’t really want to be with ghoster, it’s time to let them go.

Firstly, try to stop thinking about them. It can be hard, but give it a go. Stop checking your phone every two minutes! If for some reason your ghoster comes back there’s no need for you to respond super quickly in any case. Try to avoid being passive-aggressive (for your sake – it’s not good for your health!) but at the same time there’s no need to make sure you’re available at all times of the day and night to respond to their texts. You’ll respond when you get the text and when you’ve got the time to respond. If they even ever write to you again.

Next, accept that it’s gone. You thought there was something. You thought wrong. It happens to all of us. Don’t let a wounded ego stop you from processing this properly. It’s gone. You can be a bit sad of course, but try not to dwell on it. You deserve someone better! You’ll never get answers from the ghoster so let it lie. After all it actually IS them!

Finally, move on. Be humble.

Try to find the upsides and the learning experiences. This is a moment to reflect, but not to be hurt. It was never going to work, so don’t fret about what you lost, reflect on what you found. If you unluckily chance upon another ghoster in your life you’ll be better equipped to handle them. Being ghosted will also make sure you treat people right when you break things off with them.

I wish no one had to go through it – for all the points above, being ghosted does seriously suck leaving you with questions that will forever remain unanswered – but these things do happen and when you get through them, they are going to make you a better human. At the end of the day that can only be a good thing.