I just came from a coffee date with an old friend. We used to like each other, but we were somehow too shy to admit it. We ended up marrying different people. Sadly, we’re both separated now. We have had some terrible times in the past year.
A woman named Linda Carroll wrote a book, ‘the 5 stages of love.’ It brings out an image where love transitions from the point where you meet, to the point of doubt, then disillusionment comes. If a couple manages to go through these three stages, they easily transition to a decision and finally get to a point where they can share a real wholehearted love.
Unfortunately, most of us never go past the doubt stage. We let ourselves judge the other person more than we judge ourselves. The fights and arguments are unbearable. Some of us have ended up abusing each other physically. These moments can be traumatizing. The two of you should try to find common ground or end the relationship like my friend and I did.
If the discussions, arguments and the tears do not change things, take another step and seek counsel. Have a therapist or another couple talk sense into your relationship. In the end, if all of that doesn’t work, just walk away. Do not look back; leave the past to the past. Do it for your own sanity and well being. It will be worse if you try to fight back again.
Relationship professionals teach that the beginning of healing in every situation starts from within. You need to understand that walking away is not a sign of weakness; it’s a brave resolution. Walking away is choosing yourself first. It’s easy to love other people, but you must learn to love yourself too.
Understand that you need to value yourself and choose peace. You have a responsibility to ensure that whatever you do with the heartache and tears will not worsen the situation. Some people out of anger have ended up committing crimes. In some instances, even murder, hurting other people in the process will not ease the pain. Instead, the pain will multiply because there are consequences to face.
Life has not ceased. Days and nights will still come. What you do in the moment determines the direction your life is going to take. Take charge of your future. Your dreams can still come true even though you are hurt at the moment. Things will cool down.
If you can only use that anger you have to do something constructive, you will look back with a thankful heart that you moved on.
For now, the pain maybe deafening and making you too blind to see any opportunity that comes, but if you can wipe those tears and look through the blurry eyes, you will see that all hope is not gone. Maybe you were not the right one for this relationship, but another person is looking for a person just like you. If the relationship is not working, and it is over, you need to walk away!